My Reader's Digest Version

[SParker]

I feel like we had a major breakthrough tonight! My H and I went shopping after our 'The Art of Marriage' study tonight at a local church. He starting on his usual detaching-mode and panicking because it was getting late and he still had a lot of work to do at the shop. I felt all of the old stressors come back; feeling blamed, unloved, unwanted, ect. He sensed that I was upset in the vehicle when we were leaving. He gave me a blanket apology for stressing out and explained what work he had to get done. That's when I felt everything welling up inside of me! I calmly told him exactly how I feel when he does this and how it's felt for years now. Then, how I feel if the kids are involved instead of it just being me affected. I let him know this is a big source of my frustration, feeling unloved, then anger. He completely 'got it' and thanked me for telling him. After we got back, he apologized extensively and voiced his regret.

Wow! I didn't even know I had that trigger to 'acting out' my deep-seated feelings on him. Now that I've learned to voice them instead of reacting, it's a completely positive thing for us! He was unaware that this was happening, and promised to work on it whole-heartedly! What a difference!

I feel like I have the most wonderful H on Earth again! We had a little conflict the other night as well. He could tell I was not as at ease with him and asked me to sit down and talk it out. I did and we became even closer! I had just asked him one time before if he could nicely ask me to sit and talk if something was going on & he actually did it! We were respectful and loving to each other and talked through it very well! (I honestly can't even remember what the problem was now.)

We are now drawing closer that we have been since shortly after we moved in together! This is working, we just have to keep up the work now. I have planned a Retrouvaille weekend this winter, we'll see if he's willing to go.

Still need to work on setting new marriage goals... he agreed to them all the first week. And for personal goals, I have to continue working on the ones I have until perfected. Then, we'll see what else I can do to improve.

H is still living at the shop, but has expressed for over a week, (since our romantic picnic ) that he misses being at home. He wants to make sure it doesn't backfire again, as do I. The kids have been through enough! (And so have we.)

I hope everyone reading this has a blessed week and keep your chin up!