H has started an affair 2

[Painter]

Good for you! Think about it as the oxygen masks on an airplane. You can't help anyone else unless you put your own mask on first.

One tip: Don't spend time on telling the L that you don't want to divorce. They can't do anything about that, it's outside their area. Look at it as a tutoring session, and you want to get as much info as you can about a *possible* outcome to an action that could be initiated by either H or you.

Bring a financial overview - I saved tons of time with my L by having a spreadsheet with me of assets, debts, monthly income and expenses. Then I wrote a brief history (a page or so) of our M and the A and where we were at that time. She could read all of it in a few minutes, refer to it as we spoke, and not have to spend time asking me many questions, taking notes and making calculations. She could go right to the options and tell me what would most likely happen based on this info, and what my options were. It was an incredibly productive session.