Oh, no! We just had a major blowout. He came to my room to ask me about the divorce, and whether I was going to hire a lawyer. He was texting me about it the other night, and I just told him I didn't know yet.
Because he'd shared my e-mails with his girlfriend, I had told him I would not be putting anything in writing to him anymore. He asked tonight if when I had said I didn't know, I really meant that, if it were just because I didn't want to write him. I reminded him I wasn't writing anything because I didn't care to have his girlfriend reading my stuff.
He rolled his eye at me, and said, "ok...so?" So I told him I was hiring a lawyer. He wanted to know why. I said because I don't have any reason to trust you. You lied to my face, cheated on me, and your first offer to make payments on my car was ridiculous.
Here's the blow up. He starts screaming at me that I'm living in la-la land, laying around on my lazy a** all day while he's working and sleeping in a motor home. I said "Give me a break, you're not sleeping in any motor home. You're sleeping with your girlfriend." He says I know nothing, life is so hard on him right now. I said, "Poor little victim." (Yes. Not good.)
He actually had room to go in his rage! Says he does not have OW. Then named 3 people I should ask if he's been talking about this for years. I said, "Why we're you talking to them instead of your wife?" He replied that he did talk to me, I just didn't do anything until he got to this point. (Truth nugget here.) I said he didn't get to this point until he had found my replacement. I said I couldn't' t even look at him right now because of what he's doing to our sons.
He called me the foulest name possible tor a female, and slammed out of my room.I called after him..."Yes, I see...so numb, so detached!" (When D came up, he said he knew he was ready because he had no feelings at all anymore, not even anger.)
The he came back, still mad, and asked what I was doing with the lawyer. I said I wasn't sure yet, I was meeting with her Monday, but I was only hiring her to look out for me, not hurt him. He sais ok and left.
What a mess! I wasn't crying, still not, but I'm sick to my stomach. Is there a way to get to a better place from here? I cannot believe he called me that! It was meant to wound, and it did. I stuck up for myself, but I was not calm, and I was not nice.
