Different thoughts today/last night. I have the tendency to get upset/irritated very easily and is one of the 180's I am working on. So if any of this seems like me jumping the gun let me know. I am not in a rush. Just things I've been thinking of.
My wife and I were/are best friends. Inside jokes, interests, humor, movies, all the good stuff. Somewhere along our journey through life, I/we lost sight of that friendship. She wants to remain my bff even after telling me she is moving towards a divorce. I agreed and said, yes I would always be her friend! But the only motivation for that statement was that by being her friend, she may one day come back as my lover.
So is it rational of me to think: I don't want to get friend zoned by my Wife! Hell no, how am I going to be her friend when/if she has OM in her life. I don't want that. I don't deserve that.
Another train of thought. I have started to think of finances. I make 85% of the income. (part of why I was controlling) At BD, I said I would help her out. Pay for her car, bills, phone etc etc. She is currently with her mom. Plans to move out and into a house her stepdad has rent free. Her mom said she would help her furnish it. Even yesterday she called me to ask how I wanted to finish the payments for the couch we had bought not a month ago. Started to look at taking what I pay for/make out of the picture. If this is a bad idea let me know. I am willing to wait until we start the divorce process.
Whats interesting is that the first couple of nights these are things she brought up that worried her. And things that her parents told her I eventually would start to think about. I of course denied all of this, I would never not be there for her right!? (Am I becoming too bitter? I love my wife, loving her from a distance. I want to support her, but I don't want to be walked all over.)
M: 29 W: 28 D: 8 S:1 M: 10 T: 11 BD1: 8//15 (physically separate) Back together: 4/16 BD2: 3/18, physically separate 6/18) Here we are again.
