I kind of know that answer. I guess I always have hope there is some magic method I have not tried that will make things better! Silly I know. I am expecting some talk either today or tomorrow regarding the split as she is having her first consult with the counselor about the drafting. My plan is to tell her to go through what she has been given and learned then put together what she is thinking she wants to have done. At that point I will give my thoughts. I will have the atty looking ov r everything for me and will not be giving things unfairly.
M 37 W 34
T 12 M 8 D 7 S 4
Need break 4/12/15 W no ring 7/7/15
Separate room 4/12/15 Separate living suggested 8/15 W moved out 11/1/15
I do need some help here. There is an annual golf trip that i had gone on. When BD one of the complaints is that i always did what i wanted but she couldnt get to do as much as she wanted because she was a stay at home with the kids. So i had planned on not going this year. then one of my best friends decided to make this his bachelor party as he is getting married in november. They are all there now, and i am contemplating going for just friday and saturday to golf with them. I mentioned it to W to make sure she was not planning anything for the weekend that would require child care. I am having a hard time committing to going though. One i do not want to miss my fun times with the kids, two, i am really not ready for partying as my mood is not there, then three, which i am sure i should disregard since she is just focused on herself, I am trying to show different behavior. I need to decide fast for travel arrangements though!
M 37 W 34
T 12 M 8 D 7 S 4
Need break 4/12/15 W no ring 7/7/15
Separate room 4/12/15 Separate living suggested 8/15 W moved out 11/1/15
I would say go to the party and try and forget your current position no this is easy for me to say
I feel the same when you said that part of your problem was that during your m you did things that involved you and not your w you going out doing things without her and this was bought up so now you feel to do those things now seems wrong I had the very same issues
The fact is now none of what previously mattered now matters and this takes a lot to get your head arround I know I am struggling with this
Hope you do go and have a good time
Ghost
Last edited by Ghost56; 09/16/1504:21 PM.
Me:48 W 41 M:18 T:26 2 D 18 & 4 2 S 17 & 13 Bomb: 20/7/2015 in house separation D filed 06/17 Separate houses 10/17 D Final 29/12//17.
So w comes home from meeting with counselor and tells me it is not what she expected. I said well I don't know what you did or expected. W stated I thought she could get the agreement done for us. I said she can help us put it all together and come to terms then we need it legally drafted and filed. I finally told her just go through everything and put together what she wants to do and then if I agree we are good to go. I said nothing more on the topic and acted as casual as I could. So I will be waiting for her to give me her terms I guess. I will carefully go over then also have my attorney review. Even though this part is hard to deal with emotionally, I am trying to focus on a bigger picture. My kids being happy and myself. I wish w to be happy as well but I am no longer a part of that. I can be polite and friendly and a nice person to her but I must have priorities. As far as me going away for the weekend, I told the kids last night at dinner before wife was home. D7 said I don't want to be stuck with mommy for 2 days and s4 started crying. I am not sure if I should tell her about the children responding this way about her. There have been many other times as well. I don't want to look like I am using guilt in our situation either. Thoughts?
M 37 W 34
T 12 M 8 D 7 S 4
Need break 4/12/15 W no ring 7/7/15
Separate room 4/12/15 Separate living suggested 8/15 W moved out 11/1/15
As far as me going away for the weekend, I told the kids last night at dinner before wife was home. D7 said I don't want to be stuck with mommy for 2 days and s4 started crying.
How heartbreaking!
Quote:
I am not sure if I should tell her about the children responding this way about her. There have been many other times as well. I don't want to look like I am using guilt in our situation either. Thoughts?
It would be terribly hard for me to keep my mouth shut, however...........stop and consider a couple of things. If she wasn't wayward, it would probably break her heart. Since she is wayward, it could make her turn on you.....and the children. The kids will feel they can't express themselves to you without you telling their mother.
Anger is can be a big issue for some WW's, b/c of the resentment she's stored over the years. You are big enough to handle it, but the kids aren't.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
As far as me going away for the weekend, I told the kids last night at dinner before wife was home. D7 said I don't want to be stuck with mommy for 2 days and s4 started crying.
How heartbreaking!
Quote:
I am not sure if I should tell her about the children responding this way about her. There have been many other times as well. I don't want to look like I am using guilt in our situation either. Thoughts?
It would be terribly hard for me to keep my mouth shut, however...........stop and consider a couple of things. If she wasn't wayward, it would probably break her heart. Since she is wayward, it could make her turn on you.....and the children. The kids will feel they can't express themselves to you without you telling their mother.
Anger is can be a big issue for some WW's, b/c of the resentment she's stored over the years. You are big enough to handle it, but the kids aren't.
In my opinion, if they are doing it for you, they are going to act similarly for her. Im guessing she will see it, and if she asks you about it, you can say that youve seen similar behaviors and discuss how to handle their questions and reactions going forward.
I have not said a word because mainly my D7 wont open up about things( guess she gets that from both of us since we are in this situation) but i have been talking so much with her lately and she tells me these things instead of just getting angry. I must react differently than W. I would hate for her to feel she can not speak to me because i told W what she is saying. I think for now i am keeping to myself. the kids still have a good time with her and they love her, i just think they are witnessing things and making there minds about what they prefer. It really does hurt though. No matter what happens she is their mother and was always so loving. The past day or two i have noticed her showing them a little more affection. Maybe she is getting the hint.
a little update on the situation between us. I told her i committed to going on the trip, she had plans for this evening i knew about already. She decided to give me a bunch of details about everything even though i have not or will not aslk about anything she is doing. I just said ok and walked away. I know my mind reading comes in here, is she telling me these things to hide something, because she wants to see if i react, or she thinks i am interested? tomorrow should be interesting for her though, I am leaving very early before the kids get up and she will be left to do the entire morning routine. I return early Sunday morning and plan on taking kids back to amusement park as a surprise. all for now. Feeling ok today again, still find myself with an emptiness feeling inside through the day here and there. I know i am doing so much to move forward through this, but i still love her so much and this is so out of my comfort zone to act differently. thank you everyone for the help, I am going to check in on everyone now!
M 37 W 34
T 12 M 8 D 7 S 4
Need break 4/12/15 W no ring 7/7/15
Separate room 4/12/15 Separate living suggested 8/15 W moved out 11/1/15
