It was good last night had family meal and we all chatted and laughed I'd cooked as W had work to do seemed generally pleased I'd covered the dinner chores for her.
After we all watched a bit of TV together.
Then the pain as she went to the spare room again to sleep.
Please don't see what I'm pointing out as me trying to cause you more pain. IMHO, it seems you have been a good man who has thought that no arguing and going along with whatever the W wants, makes a good MR. It could have been a way you sought to have peace, IDK. I don't think she respected you very much.
Quote:
She has always been the boss and if she wanted to do something then she would regardless of my feelings.
Quote:
Just re read your post she never showed any disrespect always good to me everything a man could have in a wife I had ( except the sex which I s'pose i'd got used to not having)
When a M is sexually starved (without health problems), how can it be good? What would you say is to blame for no sex? Did she want to have sex, or would she give some excuse?
Quote:
At the moment she says she is not sure if she can rekindle the sexual side as she sees me as a brother or as her best friend.
So, did the subject come up about having sex, or about her sleeping with you?
I am sorry you are feeling so much hurt since she's come back. She didn't come back to reconcile the MR. She came back to have her home and family. There's a difference. Seeing you as a brother or BFF is not what you should want.
You have "settled" for however she decided things would go for so long! Don't you think you deserve better?
Go to the doctor about your low sex drive. There is usually a reason and it can be fixed. You need to feel more assertive and confident. Start by making that appointment. And, btw, you don't need to discuss it with her. I can tell you that it will only turn her off. She doesn't even want to hear things about sex from you. Just go do it.
Things can change, but you definitely have your work cut out. Stop expecting her to change her mind. Stop trying to nice her back. Being nice didn't stop her from leaving, and it won't make her feel attraction for you. However, putting on the pants, might.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
When a M is sexually starved (without health problems), how can it be good? What would you say is to blame for no sex? Did she want to have sex, or would she give some
That's a tough question to answer neither of us initiated it.
I asked about her sleeping with me again she hasn't ruled it out but not sure how long it could take. You have hit home about her coming home to have her family and home back but not the MR I was hasty in letting her back wasn't I?
What to do now?
Thought about going to the doctor about my sex drive but felt it would be ironic if he sorts it and then I haven't any to have sex with...!!?
Your saying putting on the pants on what way should I be stronger?
Your saying putting on the pants on what way should I be stronger?
Women like confident men who make decisions, instead of leaving everything up to the W. Even if it's just going out to dinner, you need to decide, sometimes, even if it doesn't matter to you where you eat. Women hate passivity in men. Making decisions and doing the action are signs of a man who has inner strength. It's the inner strength we adore. We like men who know how to be in charge.....at least, once in a while. It's difficult for women to admire a man who is totally dependent on her (as long as he's healthy, of course). We like for the H to take the initiative and be the one who plans things, or just does something minor without waiting to be told to do it. Maybe that's b/c we like a man who can be the leader of his family. The bad thing about the woman acting as boss over everything, is that puts her in the leadership position, and it just doesn't work too well in marriages. If the H quietly submits as she barks out orders.....they won't have a happy MR.
One of the most important ways to show you are wearing the pants is to stand up to her whenever she acts bossy, b'tchy, bullying, disrespectful, making you the butt of jokes, snide remarks, rude, doormat treatment, etc. You are not her child nor employee. If she can't respect you and treat you like a man, she needs to leave. Unfortunately, there are some women who just have to be put in their place....in order for them to respect you. Furthermore, I believe almost every wife will test her H. If he lets her treat him badly, she loses respect. If he lets her b'tch at him, she loses respect and will treat him and will get worse with her behavior. If he never stands up to her, she won't respect him. All of these affect the attraction (or lack thereof) a woman feels for the H. Some men think they will make the W happy by letting her have her way on everything. Nothing could be further from the truth!
When you discuss anything with her, don't approach her as if you were a child and she's the parent. Approach her like a confident man and speak up.
At the place you're in now, you might have to prove that you have the right equipment to wear the pants, but I'll bet you'll look very attractive in them. This will change the dynamics in your MR, and should result in her feeling more attracted to you, and certainly respecting you more. However, you will need to be consistent and not fall back into old those old habits of just letting her rule the roost. Know what I mean?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Your saying putting on the pants on what way should I be stronger?
Women like confident men who make decisions, instead of leaving everything up to the W. Even if it's just going out to dinner, you need to decide, sometimes, even if it doesn't matter to you where you eat. Women hate passivity in men. Making decisions and doing the action are signs of a man who has inner strength. It's the inner strength we adore. We like men who know how to be in charge.....at least, once in a while. It's difficult for women to admire a man who is totally dependent on her (as long as he's healthy, of course). We like for the H to take the initiative and be the one who plans things, or just does something minor without waiting to be told to do it. Maybe that's b/c we like a man who can be the leader of his family. The bad thing about the woman acting as boss over everything, is that puts her in the leadership position, and it just doesn't work too well in marriages. If the H quietly submits as she barks out orders.....they won't have a happy MR.
One of the most important ways to show you are wearing the pants is to stand up to her whenever she acts bossy, b'tchy, bullying, disrespectful, making you the butt of jokes, snide remarks, rude, doormat treatment, etc. You are not her child nor employee. If she can't respect you and treat you like a man, she needs to leave. Unfortunately, there are some women who just have to be put in their place....in order for them to respect you. Furthermore, I believe almost every wife will test her H. If he lets her treat him badly, she loses respect. If he lets her b'tch at him, she loses respect and will treat him and will get worse with her behavior. If he never stands up to her, she won't respect him. All of these affect the attraction (or lack thereof) a woman feels for the H. Some men think they will make the W happy by letting her have her way on everything. Nothing could be further from the truth!
When you discuss anything with her, don't approach her as if you were a child and she's the parent. Approach her like a confident man and speak up.
At the place you're in now, you might have to prove that you have the right equipment to wear the pants, but I'll bet you'll look very attractive in them. This will change the dynamics in your MR, and should result in her feeling more attracted to you, and certainly respecting you more. However, you will need to be consistent and not fall back into old those old habits of just letting her rule the roost. Know what I mean?
Makes sense. She is going on a running trip next week (it's been planned for ages) so away for one night, should I make any noises about it?
Your saying putting on the pants on what way should I be stronger?
Women like confident men who make decisions, instead of leaving everything up to the W. Even if it's just going out to dinner, you need to decide, sometimes, even if it doesn't matter to you where you eat. Women hate passivity in men. Making decisions and doing the action are signs of a man who has inner strength. It's the inner strength we adore. We like men who know how to be in charge.....at least, once in a while. It's difficult for women to admire a man who is totally dependent on her (as long as he's healthy, of course). We like for the H to take the initiative and be the one who plans things, or just does something minor without waiting to be told to do it. Maybe that's b/c we like a man who can be the leader of his family. The bad thing about the woman acting as boss over everything, is that puts her in the leadership position, and it just doesn't work too well in marriages. If the H quietly submits as she barks out orders.....they won't have a happy MR.
One of the most important ways to show you are wearing the pants is to stand up to her whenever she acts bossy, b'tchy, bullying, disrespectful, making you the butt of jokes, snide remarks, rude, doormat treatment, etc. You are not her child nor employee. If she can't respect you and treat you like a man, she needs to leave. Unfortunately, there are some women who just have to be put in their place....in order for them to respect you. Furthermore, I believe almost every wife will test her H. If he lets her treat him badly, she loses respect. If he lets her b'tch at him, she loses respect and will treat him and will get worse with her behavior. If he never stands up to her, she won't respect him. All of these affect the attraction (or lack thereof) a woman feels for the H. Some men think they will make the W happy by letting her have her way on everything. Nothing could be further from the truth!
When you discuss anything with her, don't approach her as if you were a child and she's the parent. Approach her like a confident man and speak up.
At the place you're in now, you might have to prove that you have the right equipment to wear the pants, but I'll bet you'll look very attractive in them. This will change the dynamics in your MR, and should result in her feeling more attracted to you, and certainly respecting you more. However, you will need to be consistent and not fall back into old those old habits of just letting her rule the roost. Know what I mean?
Sandi,
I don't disagree with the theme of what you're saying. Particularly in the context of advice to an LBH.
I do, however, have a problem with the idea that a man that doesn't act a certain way- decisive, confident, alpha- somehow just isn't able to keep a woman.
What if I posted that men were looking for a submissive woman who knew her place, so you females should try to act more like that? I don't think that would go over so well.
Again, I get that in this particular case pursuing or acting needy isn't helpful. But how can we be ok justifying this type of outlook?
Personally I think I bring a lot of those qualities myself in some ways and forms. But I don't take kindly to the idea that if I'm not up to some external standard of manliness that no woman could respect me. Frankly any woman that would test me and treat me disrespectfully because I am not acting alpha enough for her is a woman I'd just as soon see out of my life. Thanks but no thanks.
Me:38 XW:38 T:11 years M:8 years Kids: S14, D11, D7 BD/Move out day: 6/17/14, D final Dec 15
This will change the dynamics in your MR, and should result in her feeling more attracted to you, and certainly respecting you more. However, you will need to be consistent and not fall back into old those old habits of just letting her rule the roost. Know what I mean?