I know this will not solve a thing. But by saying nothing I feel like I am agreeing that H was just born this way. To what end though? To punish an old woman for something she did 45 years ago? But then I feel I am not defending my H. I feel like I paint this guy as just struggling along for no reason and that's not fair or honest either.
Family is always the hardest part, if you ask me
The key here is to learn how to deal with her in a positive manner. To stick by your H. Why? Who else will and it is what you signed up for. You are the perfect person to do it. And I think you'll find, way down the line, that sticking by him is the absolute best answer. And let's face it, he needs you to be in his corner even if he doesn't know it.
But as I mentioned, you'll need to do so in a positive, detached way. If she asks (you don't know for sure that she will - they'll surprise you with what they do or don't do) keep it simple and direct and maybe let her know that you and he have private things. (i.e. none of her business).
As for your anger and confusion - you do expect that right? It's not a surprise? I understand the feelings, but there's a bigger picture. I see compassion in your posts too. I think I see why and I agree with you (if that helps). But take job's advice to heart. That looks spot on to me. And try to remember that this is a point in time; nothing more than that. They won't stay the same forever, you can count on that.
As for you, when you look back - what is it you want to see about yourself? What kind of spouse do you want to be?
If it helps I know plenty of people who were in your shoes and were able to work through it. They don't talk about it years later, so many don't know that they went through it. Hang in there!
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
