You may have been "conditioned" to feel guilty if you didn't do something nice for her on her birthday. I'm guessing she's had a lot of influence over you. She's mainly been the only girl, and has destroyed other R's, and you felt you had to do something big on her birthdays.

I think, b/c you've made reference to it several times, that growing up together effects you a lot. In a way, what you are experiencing may feel similar to losing a sibling or a lifelong friend. I admire your strength and determination to stick to your plan.

Coming here to express your feelings is the right thing to do. It's good to stay busy, like you are doing.

Great job so far. You can do this......and it should give you more self-confidence knowing just how much strength it has taken. You are growing!

What are you doing to GAL?

It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!