Wow, mind is blown 7

[Uphill]

I really appreciate this as! I know I am hard on myself, it carries over from everything I do in life.work, parenting, hobbies... If I'm going to do it I want to be one of the best.

For example, at wor if there is something I feel could be done better or faster I find a way. I work on kitchens so there is no room for "half a$$ing" anything but there is always a way to make better time. While most guys who I work with, are doing 8000-10000 dollar jobs. They will get them done in 4-4 1/2 days. The one I'm doing is 33000 and I'll have it done in 5 days. I'm not picking on them, they all do great work, just saying numbers don't lie. (My service rating is also 0.03%! Best in the company by far)

In my biggest hobby, we have sponsors who spend a lot of money for good results. If we go to the race track and don't have a top 5 or better run, I will tear the car down until I find the problem, and I do every time.

I just strive for excellence but here I feel like I could do better. I know this is in no way a competition, but I feel like I'm not performing as good as others. I have such discipline in all other aspects of my life but I struggle with a relationship? It's just surreal to me, I can always find a solution or remedy to fix anything but this.

At times I think it hurts more, not that I failed myself, but that I failed S4. He doesn't deserve this.