I've stumbled upon a couple of MLC boards that are describing him and these changes to a T. I may start a new thread on the MLC board...I really dislike the name of this one. I've moved way past hatred now...in a good way.
Judy, if I may be so bold, please keep posting here. We get all the traffic, and you're gaining some followers.
As for your emotions, when you've gone several months without them bouncing around then you can almost start to trust them. Trust me, it's two steps forward, one step back, and there are a LOT of stairs to climb. I'm glad you've had some moments of clarity, but the loss is so great that a rational understanding and a moment of peace doesn't prevent the many, many waves of pain and anger that will come washing over you. Again, glad you're feeling good tonight, just don't get discouraged or disappointed.
That said, I do agree a more optimistic title is appropriate for your next thread.
Keep posting!
Me:38 XW:38 T:11 years M:8 years Kids: S14, D11, D7 BD/Move out day: 6/17/14, D final Dec 15
Z...oh my! I've been such a basket case...I know you're right, this is going to go on for a while...just really dreading it.
I never had any clue how much devastation and pain comes with a situation like this. I come from a line of long marriages, so this is somewhat of a surprise to me. I have so much empathy now for others going through this. So many hurt people! I feel so badly for them. This is truly soul crushing pain! If it weren't for this board....I don't know where I'd be.
I'm glad your choosing to stick around. You make our world a better place. I don't have much to add. Some very wise people have been on your thread.
I must say though that I would be suspicious of your husbands actions and would not do him any favors. If he controls the money, has locked you out of the accounts and says no lawyers, I smell a rat.
I called my mother today, and she has the same opinion. Some of the other stunts he's pulled indicate some planning and premeditation. Bless her sweet heart, she's sending money so that I can hire one. He will NOT give me money to do it.
I dislike referencing health issues, but the sustained high blood pressure is causing lots of problems for me. I'm supposed to avoid stress, but I have no control over this. Hiring a lawyer to deal with him seems like the best option. Just the thought of him looming over me and browbeating me makes me sick to my stomach. I'm trying so hard to stay strong...
So sorry that you are here. I agree with mutatio when he says he smells a rat. If you H has locked you out of your accounts you need to hire a lawyer. I'm so glad to hear you are getting one.
You are getting some great advice. And it sounds like you are calmer and finding your center. You must first and foremost take care of your health.
Time is a great healer. GALing is important. It is definitely helpful for detachment. There will be days when you feel like superman and days when you will not want to get out of bed. As time passes there will be more stability and less roller coaster. Stay strong, pray, let go and let it unfold. There are many brilliant people here to help. Keep posting.
So sorry to see you here! And your health issues makes it that much harder.
A few things I can think of that could help: Speak to a L to find out if H can actually cut you off financially - I doubt he can. Also, try to find some free meditations online, they can help amazingly with blood pressure. You can also try to see if there are any reflexology students in your area who need to complete their school, they will have free treatments available, and you might be amazed at the results...
M 16 yrs, WH62, P54 3 adult blended kids EA 11/13, BD1 6/14 PA fall 14, BD2 2/15 Piecing 2015, BD3 12/15 Separated 4/16 WH moved OW in 5/16 Divorced 6/15/17
Thanks so much for the great ideas! I am absolutely looking into that right away. I've been in something of a fog regarding health issues...it's easy to get depressed...but no more!
I've been doing really well getting more active. Improving my health is my number one personal goal right now. I refuse to let this situation destroy me and leave my kids with just him
I've lost weight, increased muscle, increased both speed and distance I can walk. I'm actually feeling pretty good about that. I was hardly moving last month. I refuse to let this time be good for nothing! I have lessons to learn, personal growth to do, and great health to regain.
Had to have stress test this morning...Don't think it went too well. Blood pressure spiked and heart started skipping beats, so they stopped the test.
I'm so sad right now....he is in so much denial! I keep wondering HOW he can do this. The man I married was so sweet and caring. This one keeps saying I'm not sick - I'm making it up. What?!?
I've had that, too - H said in MC that he thinks I sometimes act sick to get out of stuff. It's an incredibly mean and insensitive thing to say, and shows a lack of empathy that is astounding from the person who is supposed to be your life partner. I can only say to H that he is lucky to have such good health and not be physically unable to do the things he would love to do.
Continue to take care of yourself... Think of your H as temporarily insane.
M 16 yrs, WH62, P54 3 adult blended kids EA 11/13, BD1 6/14 PA fall 14, BD2 2/15 Piecing 2015, BD3 12/15 Separated 4/16 WH moved OW in 5/16 Divorced 6/15/17
