I just need to keep hearing your same message over and over today.
I'm having overwhelming anxiety and feelings of desperation. Suddenly crazed that my friendly approach is giving him the wrong impression - That's it's all just ok to keep up his plan with OW and he'll have no consequences. Desperate to hang on to him. I don't want this to come thru to H. I don't want to be clingy. I don't want to come across as vindictive and giving ultimatums before he leaves.
I don't want these feelings. I need a box for them. This has to be my box.
Every fiber in me wants to do that right now. Cling and beg him to want this to stay in this M and tell him not to go to OW, not to leave. I'm fighting it. Trying to put it on here before I have to see him later.
I have an IC appt. tomorrow while my D14 is in gymnastics. The IC isn't really up on DB'ing and sometimes questions why I don't have conversations with H about our relationship, but I'm trying to stick to a course closer to DB'ing. I'm hoping it will help to see her before Sat.
My plans is to cry and get it out right now, make a marinade for dinner, go for a walk to the beach and then to my D's gymnastics meet.
Then slip back into roommate mode and face H.
M 43 H 48 M 19y T 20y D 14 S 12 H returned home from out of country 8/8/15 BD 8/11/15 EA Began end of June/beginning of July 2015; ongoing PA H denies ILYBINILWY
Hard to watch you going through this Lost. The friendly approach may not give him any impression, negative or positive. And that's okay. You just want to avoid behavior that will ultimately push him away.
Me:29 W:27 M: 4 years T: 5 years No children S: 7/7/15 EA: 7/7/15 BD/"I'm done": 7/15/15 MC: 7/7/15-8/21/15 (failed) PA: 8/29/15 W Files for D: 9/9/15 D will finalize in 60 days
Why am I spinning today? Why am I feeling so desperate? Why am I feeling as if he just dropped the bomb today?
Is it because I need more self-control?
M 43 H 48 M 19y T 20y D 14 S 12 H returned home from out of country 8/8/15 BD 8/11/15 EA Began end of June/beginning of July 2015; ongoing PA H denies ILYBINILWY
M 43 H 48 M 19y T 20y D 14 S 12 H returned home from out of country 8/8/15 BD 8/11/15 EA Began end of June/beginning of July 2015; ongoing PA H denies ILYBINILWY
Yes to all of those. You are still attached and you must begin to detach. Fighting for your M the way you want to do it will not work. It never does.
Me:29 W:27 M: 4 years T: 5 years No children S: 7/7/15 EA: 7/7/15 BD/"I'm done": 7/15/15 MC: 7/7/15-8/21/15 (failed) PA: 8/29/15 W Files for D: 9/9/15 D will finalize in 60 days
I agree with RD, as soon as you let go and realize you can't fight this, you will feel better. That doesn't mean you are giving up. It took me about 8 weeks to reach that conclusion.
Me:33 H:36 T:13 years M:10 years S4 Separated 05/15 H Filed 06/15
I think it's very normal to move in and out of different emotions. I do it too. Sometimes triggered by something, sometimes not. It's like the stages of grief. It's not a linear process.
Me53 H48 M 13 No children together BDMay '15 PA June '15 H moves out,files 8/15 wants "quick divorce" but does nothing Me sending proposal 12/15, court dates upcoming
I'm having overwhelming anxiety and feelings of desperation. Suddenly crazed that my friendly approach is giving him the wrong impression - That's it's all just ok to keep up his plan with OW and he'll have no consequences.
Im not sure how exactly you are acting. But, in my opinion, the impression you want to give is "I will be OK without you".
Originally Posted By: Lost08
Desperate to hang on to him. I don't want this to come thru to H. I don't want to be clingy. I don't want to come across as vindictive and giving ultimatums before he leaves.
Good!
Originally Posted By: Lost08
I don't want these feelings. I need a box for them. This has to be my box.
Just acknowledge them, and accept that they are feelings. And that they are temporary.
Originally Posted By: Lost08
Every fiber in me wants to do that right now. Cling and beg him to want this to stay in this M and tell him not to go to OW, not to leave. I'm fighting it. Trying to put it on here before I have to see him later.
Yep. I know. You CAN. But it wont do anything. Except get you hurt.
Originally Posted By: Lost08
I have an IC appt. tomorrow while my D14 is in gymnastics. The IC isn't really up on DB'ing and sometimes questions why I don't have conversations with H about our relationship, but I'm trying to stick to a course closer to DB'ing. I'm hoping it will help to see her before Sat.
See if you can focus on you during IC. What are your goals for the next few months while H is gone? How can you build Lost08 into Lost09, the woman he would be a fool to leave?
This is a emotional process. It takes time to evolve. One day your riding high and the next, blah. Try to stay in the present moment and enjoy the little things.
I can't wait till you change your name to "Lost and Found".
