I just need to keep hearing your same message over and over today.
I'm having overwhelming anxiety and feelings of desperation. Suddenly crazed that my friendly approach is giving him the wrong impression - That's it's all just ok to keep up his plan with OW and he'll have no consequences. Desperate to hang on to him. I don't want this to come thru to H. I don't want to be clingy. I don't want to come across as vindictive and giving ultimatums before he leaves.
I don't want these feelings. I need a box for them. This has to be my box.
Every fiber in me wants to do that right now. Cling and beg him to want this to stay in this M and tell him not to go to OW, not to leave. I'm fighting it. Trying to put it on here before I have to see him later.
I have an IC appt. tomorrow while my D14 is in gymnastics. The IC isn't really up on DB'ing and sometimes questions why I don't have conversations with H about our relationship, but I'm trying to stick to a course closer to DB'ing. I'm hoping it will help to see her before Sat.
My plans is to cry and get it out right now, make a marinade for dinner, go for a walk to the beach and then to my D's gymnastics meet.
Then slip back into roommate mode and face H.
M 43 H 48 M 19y T 20y D 14 S 12 H returned home from out of country 8/8/15 BD 8/11/15 EA Began end of June/beginning of July 2015; ongoing PA H denies ILYBINILWY
