Looking for that bit of support again. Thoughts of H leaving on Sat. plague me today. It's not as if there was a decision made and he's moving out to live with OW, but at the same time, it feels like that's exactly what is happening.
When he's here, in my heart, I feel as if we can get through this. I think he'd be forced to end the A. You THINK? Youd keep him with the A ongoing...? He has no way to be with her. And we could work on our M. To add, theres really no way to work on a two person relationship when there is a third person involved. The math just doesnt work. So, I think until hes ready to commit 100%, there really is nothing to "work on" Supposedly he's willing to do that. You need to SEE that. Not HEAR that. Ive seen that maybe he's being nice, but I havent seen anything that would suggest that is ready to make this step.
Denial? Because they could still continue a virtual A?
I'm supposed to let him go. He's on his own journey. But I can't wrap my head and heart around how to talk to him/see him via Skype and not be overwhelmed with doubts/questions of what he's doing. How can I trust anything he says? You cant. Then I think I can't very well completely ignore him while he's away either. You dont need to ignore him. But you dont need to pour your heart out to him either. Chat for a few minutes. Keep him updated on the kids and houses, and be done with it.
I'm so fearful he'll come back to us in December, nothing will have changed and, in his mind, he'll live with us briefly before returning again. As if he's be visiting distant relatives on a layover. And I'll still be trapped in this limbo hell while he treats me like a roommate and carries on his double life. Thats kind of up to you to decide. Yes, its a hell. But if he gets to do whatever he wants, then he will continue it. Who wouldnt want a wife to take care of the kids and the house and everything while they get to skitter off to chat with an AP about Lord only knows what and play house overseas or whatever. At some point, you will likely need to put a boundary around you so that he doesnt get to just come and go like that.
When do I set boundaries? After he returns? I don't think I want him to stay with us if he's even further entrenched in his A. I think I wouldnt do that now. I think it will come across as vindictive putting something out there a couple days before leaving. But you might see how things go while he's away, and do it upon his return or shortly before. Thats just my idea though.
Or am I thinking too far ahead? I don't want to ruin Christmas for the kids, but I don't know I can keep up this charade of upbeat PMA and friendly neighbor if he comes back telling me how he can't give up his new love. In general, I think youre thinking too far ahead. But I wouldnt worry about 'ruining Christmas'. If its not this one, it will be the next one. There will always be family stuff that gets missed. Divorce changes things for everyone.
