Wow, mind is blown 7

[Sotto]

I think there are times when it is right to be there for your S as a friend, and I think that was one of those times. The mistake would be to think that changes anything. It likely doesn't and you can go back to relating 'as normal' after this. But she will know that you were there for her as a friend when she was distressed.

[Uphill]

I defiantly know it won't change anything for the "better". My concern was if I did the wrong thing and made a bad move

[Sotto]

I don't think you made a bad move. I think the only exception to this rule is if the WAS is grieving something they are responsible for and related to the sitch - eg: things going awry with an OP etc. If that is the cause of the distress, I don't think the level of compassion you showed would be appropriate. but in situations like bereavement, I think it's the right thing to do.

[Uphill]

I guess I criticize myself too much lately. I feel like I should know the answers to all the questions I ask, but always second guess myself. I know where I mess up and backslide.

I had beat myself up all last night because usually what FEELS like the right thing to do, is the complete opposite.

That goes for my custody papers yesterday also. It didn't feel right. But it was suggested by my lawyer. She can stand back and see the whole forest, while my attention is unfortunately focused on one tree. I feel like when those papers arrive today or tomorrow, it will initiate a spew fest? I have my jacket on, stocked up on smoothies. I gotta look out for me and S4 at this point, as of now there have been no major threats or arguments from her concerning custody, BUT having it on paper will let me breathe a little easier.

[Sotto]

It's okay. None of this is easy. What you will find in time is that you begin to worry less about the impact of your approach on your S and you will just start to live your life.

For me, I'm still DBing, but I don't ponder too much about comms with H. I just keep them pleasant, upbeat, brief, co-operative...I don't think you can go too far wrong then.

[Uphill]

Yeah, I guess I put too much emphasis on the little bit of hope I cling onto. I mean looking at my situation, it would be a long long road back to a "happy home". Is it my dream? Yes! There have just been so many bridges burned by her, it would be tough.

I also would have my work cut out for me. Most of my bridges that would need repaired would require a little help from her. I have cut nobody out of my life, or involved anybody to a point that I would sway thier views. On the other hand a few people have been told half truths about me and look at me as the guilty party for everything. They have done nothing but trash my name around town. It hurts but I walk tall, knowing I did and am still trying to do the right thing. Thier opinions don't matter to me,I think it could be a snag in R with XF because she would have to back peddle on things that were said so she didn't look stupid for coming back.

Oh well, now I'm rambling about nothing so I'll get my hind end back to work

[asitis]

You just said you tend to be too hard on yourself a couple posts before, and here you go being hard on yourself unnecessarily. We all have that little bit of hope, whether we admit it too ourselves or not. We all let it get to us from time to time. But what most of us would be better off doing is being kind and forgiving to ourselves and do less second guessing and self-critiquing. If you were a friend coming to you to discuss your sitch, is this how you'd approach him or her? I suspect from following your thread that you'd be kind, warm, point out the places where they need to not be so hard on themselves or take too much of the responsibility for their problems onto their shoulders.

Now, can you do that with yourself?

Hang in there. You're doing better than you think you are.

[Uphill]

I really appreciate this as! I know I am hard on myself, it carries over from everything I do in life.work, parenting, hobbies... If I'm going to do it I want to be one of the best.

For example, at wor if there is something I feel could be done better or faster I find a way. I work on kitchens so there is no room for "half a$$ing" anything but there is always a way to make better time. While most guys who I work with, are doing 8000-10000 dollar jobs. They will get them done in 4-4 1/2 days. The one I'm doing is 33000 and I'll have it done in 5 days. I'm not picking on them, they all do great work, just saying numbers don't lie. (My service rating is also 0.03%! Best in the company by far)

In my biggest hobby, we have sponsors who spend a lot of money for good results. If we go to the race track and don't have a top 5 or better run, I will tear the car down until I find the problem, and I do every time.

I just strive for excellence but here I feel like I could do better. I know this is in no way a competition, but I feel like I'm not performing as good as others. I have such discipline in all other aspects of my life but I struggle with a relationship? It's just surreal to me, I can always find a solution or remedy to fix anything but this.

At times I think it hurts more, not that I failed myself, but that I failed S4. He doesn't deserve this.

[Uphill]

Today started well, I now find the stupid wheels in my head going 100 miles an hour... Hopefully this passes quickly!

[Uphill]

I just got a phone call from a friend. I don't know if you all will remember a while back I had a married woman pretty much begging me to have my way with her? I tried to play it off nicely, then eventually flat out said, you are married and I will not put myself in a situation to hurt anybody like I've been. Worked great, I haven't heard from her since. Now my friend calls to give me a heads up that she is now getting divorced, and plans on pretty much knocking my door down?!?!

I feel like I should maybe call and explain to her that divorced or not I want nothing to do with you? I feel terrible because it sounds like she is doing it with the hope that I will now reconsider... Uggghhh just what I needed, something else to worry about.