It's okay. None of this is easy. What you will find in time is that you begin to worry less about the impact of your approach on your S and you will just start to live your life.

For me, I'm still DBing, but I don't ponder too much about comms with H. I just keep them pleasant, upbeat, brief, co-operative...I don't think you can go too far wrong then.

T 13 M 7
Me 48 H 46
SS 15
BD 7.14 PA
D final 5.16 (H filed)

We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus