To clarify some DB terms, "Going Dark" is for couples who do not have children in the home that requires co-parenting. Either they have no kids, or their kids are grown. Going Dark is as if you fell off the planet......as far as she knows. Absolutely no contact! No responding to her contacts! This is what Michele refers to as the Resort after the LRT.
I think what you are looking for is The Last Resort Technique or Dropping the Rope. DTR is when you let go of the emotional rope you have tied to her and let go of the control. You emotionally detach and focus on only on you and your kids. It's as if you were D. Be sure to read about detaching on Cadet's page.
Your interaction with her is business style. Not cold, sulky, or mad. Friendly-polite (and careful not to overkill on the friendliness). She is an old nosy neighbor who wants all the details of your life. Speak, smile, wave, and get the heck out of Dodge. She's fired you as her H, so don't hang around to be an available friend to give your shoulder, or an errand boy, or her handyman. She wants out, so let her have a taste of what that would be like.
Your W is wanting the best of single life and married life. If she felt "so close" to you, why would she keep you dangling on the end of the D line? Why should everyone's life be put on stall while she waits to see what her feelings dictate??? Pretty selfish, wouldn't you say?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
