Ok first off let me say I am sorry. You have all taught me a ton. I broke all of the things I have learned and while I made huge mistakes I believe I took a huge step forward in my healing. So a little background. As stated previously I had a great week with the kids by myself. Sooo...Ex came home Sunday with OW in tow to bring stuff home. At first I stayed very composed. I went to the garage asked OW to drive around the block so I could get my kids out of the house as I do not want them there when she is there and I was willing to take them to the park so he could unload his things. This then turned into a screaming match between us and me calling her a ho* and telling him I am tired of his Gf who is a ho* and sleeps with the entire county coming before his kids. and more screaming and arguing ensued to the point that he started shoving me off the property my shorts were to big they fell to the ground he continues shoving me towards the street so I get to the street sit down and he starts shoving me in half towards the ground telling me to leave. the kids were inside playing and saw none of it thank god. So he calls his mom to come over telling her I was acting Crazy (true) and what not. So I leave with the kids go to the park for a while have a friend come watch them at the park so I can talk to his mom about all of it. His mom is like a mom to me and an amazing support. I kept asking her what I should do and she said she wont get in the middle of it it needed to be my choice. WE talked about the options. If I stay will anything change? NO If I leave there are 3 options We will both grow up decide to work it out and make the necessary changes, we will never talk again, and or we could start healing and repair our friendship. I told her I was ready to leave I had been here a year fighting for my family and nothing was getting better it was only getting worse. It got to a point he put his hands on me and i would not stand there and let this happen. This is the worst it has ever been in 14 years. so he left with OW and I made the final decision to leave. I called my dad and said I wanted to move in I would be there in a few hours. I was done. It was solely my choice. when he got home and realized I was packing and leaving he was mad...mad we got in a fight or mad I was leaving I have no idea but he was rude. I got most of my stuff out and went back to get my car and wait for D8. I told him simply I love him always will but I feel this is what is best. I did ask him to continue to support me through my tough times ahead and my therapy and healing. All he would say to me is he doesnt need to talk to me he hates me he doesn't care about our friendship he doesnt care if he ever talks to me again and he will never not a chance in he!! come back. I simply in a calm voice said to him I have heard that before and I am sure once things calm down we will be able to at least speak. He just said whatever leave me alone I dont care anymore i dont even want to be your friend. I said that was fine I am not here to argue I am done fighting about it. I gave him the information on what bills he would still need to pay (wrote them out for him) showed him how to get to the passwords for everything as even he admitted he cant get to his own bank account because i set it up and he has no idea what the password was. I then told him I was taking the car in exchange for the racecar and he would need to keep the insurance on it until the 6 months ran out as we pay it in full and I left. He called later that night wanting to know when his kids activities were I told him I would leave him a note on the desk with that information when I came to get more of my stuff. He tried to tell me I could not get more of my stuff unless someone was there with me and I told him to fly a kite I would get what I wanted I have lived there and taken care of everything for 3 years I think I can figure it out. Plus I left him everything the race car furniture appliances all three kids beds our bed all the dressers most of the toys (I litterallly took under 10 toys) a new set of pans all of the pictures (I can re print them) I litterally took my stuff left all of my food stockpile (I coupon) and all of that. Extra shampoo laundry soap all the main stuff he kept. All I wanted was what was mine the movie collection clothes and a few other items. He finally agreed I could get some of my stuff. then today he text me asking again about girls stuff and I told him I would let him know. I also sent a message saying only time will tell what happens for us we could end up not speaking at all or married you never know with us lol and he replied I am not worrying about that right now. Several times I have offered to help with the kids and he just tells me he doesnt need my help he doesnt need anything from me. I understand he is angry i accept that. I am sure he is angry because he has told me to leave 100 times and I have always just stayed kissed butt and made it work. Well this time I had enough and I just up and left. His mom was very supportive told me she has no idea why I stayed as long as i did and I am a noble person for doing it. I did everything I could to save my family and no matter what I did it wasnt going to change anything. She told me she will always be there for me and I am more than welcome to come any time call anything I need. She will continue to be grandma and be my "mom. She doesnt want anything to come between us no matter what and she is proud of all I am doing. She said she was tired of him treating me like a door mat i was at home taking care of everything while he was out doing whatever he pleased. She said he would say all the things he did say to me because I drew a line in the sand. By picking up my stuff and actually leaving I drew a line, set a boundary, that I would no longer put up with it I would no longer be the door mat and I would no longer take the poor treatment. She said it was hard watching us both go through it and that this is probably the healthiest thing for me and the girls. I will still be allowed to have a relationship with the girls and I will be setting a good example to them that I am a strong courageous woman who does not deserve to be treated the way I have been treated. she also stated I need to understand i allowed myself to be treated this way. i made the choice to stay and allow the treatment. She said it is awesome i own my part of the problems we have and she is sorry her son does not own his part. She said someday he will hold himself accountable. She said the only way things could get better is if I leave and focus on me for me not for the R. So I am doing that. I am moving and unpacking staying busy. I also have D's activities and 10 min extra drive to work ect. there will be less time for GAL with friends but I will just GAL with D instead. I feel a sense of freedom. A release of stress. I no longer have to worry what he is doing or with whom. I do ultimately want to put my family back together and save my R but i still maintain i will only be willing to do that if it is in a healthy manner and there is a major revamp to both of us. I can not continue down the same path I was on. I left to get myself healthy and in a better situation. It was a choice I made and it hurt 3 little girls terribly but i felt I needed to choose me and my daughter first. I do not want a R like we had I want something healthy that I can enjoy. I plan to continue posting on here helping myself learning making choices and saving my family but only in a healthy way. If it can not be saved I know I will be ok. I took the hardest step yesterday and split the family up so I feel like I hit my lowest it can only go up from here. With that said I did move my counseling session to tomorrow as i do not think I could wait until Thursday I need to talk. I am sad hurt scared of the future. Scared we may never work it out but I now know I have the strength to move forward. I made a lot of mistakes yesterday yelling acting crazy name calling judging belittling fighting yelling all of it but it gave me the strength to do what I needed. IT was all choices i made good bad ugly they were choices and I can change them any time I want. I did talk to middle daughters mom and she yelled at him also and said she does not support him now and does not support any decisions he has made in the past year let him have it about treating me the way he does and bringing more people into D's life and how she supports me and not him. I talked to two of the kids mine and middle and have let them know they can talk to eachother anytime they would like they are more than welcome to call eachother call me call him be sisters anything they want to be easier on them. They can stay with me with ex with grandma I dont care as long as they are happy and it is a healthy environment. D8 has called ex every night. He even offered to me I could leave some stuff at his house to store if I wanted instead of getting a storage unit. So I am not sure he meant all the terrible things he said yesterday but I also understand they were most likely said out of anger. I know he was caught off guard that I was leaving. When I told him this is what he wanted this was his choice he yelled back it was my choice he didnt tell me to leave he just told me to leave him alone and it was all my choice I decided to take my stuff and leave then he went off about how he told me I could leave any time blah blah....well buddy you have told me to leave several times and finally I did it. I dont think that was exactly what he wanted. He didnt seem as happy as he should have that I was doing what he wanted. he seemed pretty upset I was leaving very angry with me. But again it was my choice I could have easily stayed and continued the pattern but I am breaking it. I plan to go dark unless it involves the kids or he calls or texts first. I want him to initiate conversation. He did ask to talk to me tonight after he talked to D8 on the phone wanted to make sure I was letting d8 stay at gmas wednesday and light conversation. But I feel we have both caused this I am the one fighting to move forward and get healthy he is continuing his ways and I am sure he will do whatever it takes to prove us all wrong and make his R work with OW and that is fine. I am being given a gift of time to work on me. Maybe when I am healthy I wont want to fix my R maybe I will I wont know until that day comes. Right now i want to focus on me and D and breaking my own bad habits! thanks all and I will keep working and posting!
