Time to let go......how?

[sandi2]

this morning I got up and got the kids up and ready for school as i always do while my W just gets herself ready. I really dont mind this, but i am curious if i need to make an excuse to have to leave for work earlier a few days to make her manage things. I really like the time with the kids though and i know they do also.

I don't think it will solve anything about her taking on more responsibility with the kids. What good will just a few days do? She'll be angry at you, and then you'll go back to getting the kids ready. Either continue as you've been doing, or plan to start leaving early every day. I understand why you probably want to do it, but you've waited too long to try and push this on her at this particular time. Sadly, there seems to be a lot of women who are spoiled, or lazy, and expect the H to do what was traditionally considered one of the jobs of a mother. Perhaps she was demanding, or maybe the H spoiled her, IDK. But it seems that after he starts doing her work, she expects it......instead of appreciating it.

She has to know it hurts me to think about, and right after she tried to make small talk all morning about other things. My only response to her was OK.
is she checking me or is it that she is so far gone and detached herself it makes no difference to her on my potential feelings?

I'd go with your final answer. ^^

I know i should not care, and i feel like i am doing a much better job and see what is ahead of us, but that doesnt mean it will not hurt.

I noticed i am having a hard time keeping old memories from popping into my head. happy ones. which is almost funny because it seem only bad memories come into her head.

Sure, it hurts. There's no painless or easy solution. The LBS's who are on the board, know it better than anyone.

The death of a M causes grief. Just as when we lose a loved one in death, we remember the good things. The fact that you are not seeing the same reaction in her, adds to your pain. There's nothing you can do about her and how she chooses to remember things. You have to let go of what she feels or doesn't feel. You have to retrain yourself about how to view her, yourself, and the MR.

I'm so sorry you are going through this stuff. Over the years, I have read thousands of stories like yours. It doesn't get any easier b/c the pain people feel is real, and breaking up a family is tragic. Let me add this, however, I have also seen so many LBS come through the experience of D and discover they can be happy again. May sound impossible from where you sit today, but you can be happy and have a good life.....whether the D is busted or not. Not instantly, but sooner than you might think, at this point. It depends upon what you learn, and how you apply it to your life.