Thanks, Azzork. Yes, I agree wholeheartedly with everything you said.
Don't get me wrong, I was in no hurry at all to go filing - my intent was just to have a consultation. To get information and face facts and to prove to myself that I am capable of taking care of myself and my kids. However, I had not decided I wanted a divorce necessarily. What I decided is that I was no longer afraid of getting one. And that I was perfectly willing to separate.
The separation part was key to my boundaries and self-respect. I knew I was getting him out of our bedroom regardless, but I made it clear that if we going to just be out all night or late into the nights with his girlfriend, he was to get out of the house because I wouldn't subject our son, or myself, to that blatant disrespect, even in the current circumstances.
I am not one to react on emotions. I'm pretty level-headed and if I know I'm upset or otherwise unable to think clearly and rationally, I will postpone any important decisions. My decision to draw my own boundary around me was the first time I took my emotions out of it and decided to act on what I feel is in my best interest and that of my family. And i had no fear of it "backfiring" because I wasn't doing it as a bluff or a ploy to get him to do something. I simply have no intention of allowing my family to be treated that way.
So I am truly in a wait and see mode. I'm not rushing to anything at all, believe me. I do want my marriage to work out, assuming he is the man I hope he is deep down and wants to come back for the right reasons. If he doesn't, I've lost nothing but a man who ultimately wasn't right for me.
Either way, I stand to gain a much better future. I'm hopeful that it will be with him.
