Wife wants to "move on"

[Clay234]

Clay234
Thats a long post that essentially is blaming her entirely for the downfall of your marriage. I am interested to know the other side. I think everyone here is a lot more interested in helping you than in helping her. I am worried that you are so focused on diagnosing her problems and suggesting you can fix her than on looking inward and figuring out your own problems.

What did you contribute?
What would SHE SAY that you contributed (whether you think so or not)

I think you might have missed a few things in my post. As mentioned, this is her second marriage and her ex husband says that she did the same things with him (compulsive lying, hiding money, manipulating, temper tantrums). I also mentioned that I have apologized for many things even though they were not my fault. Of course some things were, but not everything. She NEVER apologizes and always plays the victim.

I understand that no one is perfect, but I have done everything I can to be a good husband. I would never cheat on her, don't drink, smoke, do drugs or gamble and would never raise a hand toward her, our her in danger or verbally abuse her. ( AND THAT IS NOT IMPLYING I AM PERFECT). Of course I have flaws. We all do.

I have tried several times to get her to commit to MC, but she will not try. She is never content with anything and always wants something new or different.

As mentioned, her parents have interfered many times and have actually showed up at our house because she had called them when she was having a "panic attack" while we were having an argument.. If she doesn't get what she wants, she either pouts or gets angry.

As mentioned above, her son moved back in with me because he was tired of being manipulated by her. She blamed My oldest daughter, who was 14 at the time for her (my wife) depression and thoughts of suicide.

Also, we had a MC offer to mediate handle the assets for is instead of wasting money on attorneys. She refused. Ivalso told her we could take the equity from our other houses and buy her a condo near by since she said she wants and needs to be on her own. She refused that as well. At this point, we have spent more than $35K on attorney's fees when it wasn't even necessary.

If someone who is reading this is not familiar with PAPD, they MIGHT get the wrong idea, but I know she has these issues and it has been mentioned by two different clinicians. She says she has been depressed all her life.


You ask what she would say? She would say everything is my fault because that is what she is saying now. She also says everything on her first marriage was a his fault and has told me stories about him over the past 18 years that I am now finding out are not true and the things he is telling me he did, was actually her.

I am not disparaging my wife. She is often, (but not always)difficult to deal with. I have an unconditional love for her and want my family back together.

It is easy to misunderstand someone's tone and story in a forum and I am sure I could have made things a little more clear and less jumbled.My main reason for coming on here was for advice and to see if anyone had similar stories and were able to save their marriages.

I have told her repeatedly that we can work on counseling individually and together and we can help each other with our issues and communication between us but she refuses and has always refused.

Like I mentioned earlier, others have said "you can do better", but I live my wife and want to help her and save the family.

Any advice from anyone would be greatly appreciated.