One thing I find myself really struggling with id love some input on. The ex has been traveling extensively and I've had the kids three weeks at a time without even a weeknight break. The kids are with me constantly, and I'm glad to have them, though I do get really worn out. But he's the hero when he spends time with them and I am struggling not to resent it. I want them to be as thrilled to be with me as they say they are to be with him.
They are entitled to love their dad. It's not a competition. Does anyone have any words of wisdom for how to get my heart right? Mr. Fantastic has been making gestures showing he'd like to be closer to me but I can't have it and stay emotionally protected. Any thoughts on dealing with that too?
Maybell, kids are smart. Sure, they enjoy Disney dad, but who are they going to turn to when they need a real parent? It's going to be you. That's gold, sweetie. Stacey and I talk about our X's clutter-free, teenager-free luxury apartments and know that we'd never trade in the time with our children to get it. Your H is the one losing out here and in a big way. That will become more obvious as your kids get older and Disney Dad loses his appeal and mom is where they want to spend their time.
I don't know that you need to get your heart right as much as you need a break. When Mr. Fantastic isn't available to take the kids, hire that babysitter. Then do whatever makes you feel recharged, whether it's go out with friends, or stay at home in the bathtub. You need some time for MB, and that's something you have to be in charge of. It's important.
As far as spending time with X, I'm the one who would prefer to be closer friends, but he's not interested. In your case, it's your call. If you don't want to be closer, just don't. Set it up so that your contact is limited if that's what makes you feel better. Maybe in time you'll want to be closer, but there's no requirement for it right now. If you need to explain that to X, then don't hesitate to do that.
I'm going to sign up for the MB needs an IC bandwagon. I remember how the last one went down in flames and understand how you'd be hesitant to open up again. But that's something we are all going to have to come to grips with, opening up and taking the risk of being hurt again, whether from a date or an IC or a boss or an X. Because sealing ourselves off emotionally is no way to go through life.
MB, you seem stuck, and as I pointed out to RD the other day, sometimes that's OK. We all need spaces in which to consolidate and re-group before we can move on. But consider how much longer you need to be in this place. Are you ready to move on?
