Thank you for your advice, we had some conversation over the weekend, so here it is.
Yesterday I took the kids to the beach for mom's meetup. While getting ready with stuff, H asked where we are going. So I said beach. He was like "Beach? With Who?" "Some friends" "A guy friend? with kids?" He sounded like he is convinced I am dating a guy and I'm taking the kids to the guy. He seemed mad. I said "friends"
And last night H and I had a talk, really first time since BD.
H started saying, "While we are ignoring each other and have no relationship, I don't know why we are doing this" So I said, "Sorry if you feel that way, but my thoughts about M has not changed (that I would like to work on our R)
He said he is looking for an additional job and wants to get some cheap place for himself. He said it's not just because of OW, things are not that great with her either (which I don't necessarily believe) He doesn't want D or anything right now, but he needs some space. I validated his feelings and I said I'm really sorry if he has to leave, and I don't agree, but I still respect his choice. H said he has a lot of respect for me, I'm a great mom and wife, he still finds me very sexy, so it's not something I did, it's all something in his head. He also said that this will probably be the biggest mistake of his life, but he just can't do it right now.
I was calm and didn't cry. He said he wish I could be mad at him.
H also said I'm smart and beautiful that I will meet someone who can make me happy, that I deserve to be happy, but he can't do that. So I told him I'm not looking for anyone to make me happy if it's him or not, I want to make myself happy, which I have been giving a thought for this while.
Financially, H said he never wants to lose the house and wants us to keep living here. H wants his dog to stay here too for guarding us. I told him I can't take a good care of the dog by myself with work and kids, but he said "I'll come around" (what does that mean??) H admitted he had been careless about spending especially for the first month or so when he started coming home late, but he wants to be more responsible now. He mentioned that he will try to stay more at home during the week so that he won't make me late and spend less money. (which I have mixed feeling about, since he announced clearly he doesn't want to be here...)
I'm kind of glad to know that he still cares about our well-being financially and is willing to find a job to support extra expenses (I still have to see his actions though)
About the kids, H asked me if I will prevent him from seeing them if he leaves, so said I won't do that as long as he wants to and be comfortable taking care of them because he is the dad and kids love him.
H gave me a good hug and kissed my hand saying sorry.
If H doesn't live up to his promise on the financial responsibility, I will go consult with L, also him being on time I will seek help with in-laws. (H asked me if I talked to his sister about current situation, I said no because it's your family and if you would like you should talk to her. H said his in-laws are My family too, they will always be)
Overall I think I did the best I can in the situation. I think he might have thought I was out too before the conv. I made it clear that's not it and I have not been ignoring him but giving him a space, regardless, I will respect his decision.
I talked to DB coach too and he advised me to continue to go out, do whatever stuff, make him wonder (even if he seems like he is ok with it or even encouraging) He said I can be a little more engaging at home like greeting if he thinks I have been ignoring him.....
