Wow, mind is blown 7

[Uphill]

So the appointment yesterday went very well. We actually met on the way there because XF didmt know where she was going, she asked if she could follow me. Through the appointments we obviously we're focused on what the doctors had to say, but we had a few minutes in between each on and had what I thought was very good interaction. Even a few jokes.

When we were leaving I gave S4 a piggy back to the vehicle and got another little joke or two in. Got to the vehicles and she wanted to talk about child support again?!?! I asked what more there was to talk about. We have been down this road many times already and every time I have told her that if she wants support she can pay half of his child care, insurance and other costs. (I currently pay EVERYTHING for him, not complaining he is my son). We have 50/50 custody, currently a verbal agreement, but have a L working on the paperwork. She continues to say when S4 is at her appartment he uses her electric, trash, water.... Trying to justify herself. I agreed with her that he does. Then I asked her if she was willing to help me pay for my home because he uses the same stuff when he is with me?

I hate to say it but I think the appointment went so well because she was buttering me up in hopes that I would just fold and give her money? I get what she is saying, but through this whole process I have taken a financial beating. Every turn has cost me money. Lawyer, S4 child care, S4 health insurance, replacing things in the house that she took, extra running because she can't go to my parents to drop off or pick up S4, groceries for her place 3 times, post office box, as well as picking up the bills at my he that she used to pay. I feel like I am bleeding money... And she wants more??? I understand she struggles to make ends meet, but none of the costs of raising a child are in her court. It would be money for her.

[Uphill]

A few comments from yesterday that stick in my head. One was XF said to me with a sad look "you are doing everything now that I wanted you to do before".

Another was one of the jokes we shared. While I was piggy backing S4 through the hospital building, he said "mom is silly", I jokingly replied "S4, it is not nice to make fun of your moms looks, she right there and can hear you." (She's a very beautiful girl so she knows I wasn't serious but I looked over and gave her a wink when I said it). Her reply was to joke back, "well you made a child with me so I must not be too silly looking" haha

[Uphill]

Well me and S4 had a successful weekend together! Got in some football watching and games yesterday, it was cold and rainy so all outdoor stuff was not appropriate. Today we went to a Sunday school which is ran by a few friends, then off to the amusement park. He is wore out, fell asleep on our way home. I don't think dad is going to be far behind him.

[Uphill]

So, I have my normal case of the Mondays. I'm looking at it a little different today though, I honestly think it may be more about S4 than XF? Maybe I've been been blaming it on the wrong thing this whole time? It seems more like maybe it is because of not being with my right hand man after spending an awesome weekend with him?

Hmmmm.... Just had my wheels turning.

[Uphill]

I took what I view as a big step today. My L called and asked how things were and how/if I wanted to move forward with custody. I have the green light to go ahead and file papers on my behalf.

[Uphill]

I showed up with S4 at swap meeting place this evening and XF was already there. I could see by the look on her face that something was wrong, something serious. I got out of the vehicle and asked what was the matter? She broke down immediately and said her best friends pap had passed. I don't know if this was a moment where I messed up or an opportunity to have a lighthouse moment, but all DB went out the window. I reached out to give her a hug, it felt so good! Just to have her in my arms comforting her in a tough time. After prolly about 10 seconds, I felt her relax a little so I broke the contact. Talked a little bit about that and then went our own ways.

Any insight as to whether that was the right thing to do or not? I mean I am still human, she's still human, and she really looked like she needed it...

[Uphill]

Any thoughts on my last post? Maybe I'm looking into it too much but we all know I can't afford to keep doing the wrong thing... I've had my struggles and really have to tighten my belt on my self control, mainly when to STFU

[Azzork]

Any thoughts on my last post? Maybe I'm looking into it too much but we all know I can't afford to keep doing the wrong thing... I've had my struggles and really have to tighten my belt on my self control, mainly when to STFU

Ive been reading a long but havent had much to say. It sounds like you acted like a human. I dont think she was too worried about your R at that point. I think you did OK, UH.

[Uphill]

Thanks azz, I've been kinda keeping to myself lately also. I am trying not to get my mind intertwined too much into other situations until I can try to stabilize my own first. Reading lots of threads but not posting much.

[Uphill]

I have avoided any physical contact like the plague for a few months now. I just couldn't let her stand there even though all advise is typically not to initiate anything. No matter what, I do still love this woman and felt like it was right...