Good detachment. I read somewhere and keep reminding myself that learning to detach requires courage, the courage to let the ones we love learn from their own mistakes and accept the natural consequences of their actions without us trying to rescue them. It is so hard to do, especially when you just KNOW that you are right, but it is what we have to do. Sometimes being right, is not the right thing for a relationship.
Your W will learn some financial lessons the hard way.
Also, as a 46 year old woman who has a ton of friends who are all women in our 40's, I will tell you that very abruptly for me at age 41-42, for my friends mostly anywhere from 40-45, women's bodies change and suddenly we put on weight very easily. I gained 20 lbs in a year and I did not change my eating habits, although I was in extreme stress due to my daughter's rapid mental and physical deterioration so maybe it was stress hormones for me. Many (not all) of my friends who never had a weight problem suddenly have to watch every single bite now that we are in our 40's. OK, we might be drinking a lot more wine than we admit to, so there is that. BD solved that one for me though- I lost 25 lbs in less than 3 months on the "ILYBINILWY" diet.
It sounds like you are doing better than W, wonder if she notices.
Some good humor from photoka. ILYBINILWY diet. Love it. I lost about 20 pounds on that one too. Releasing those we love to the consequences of their choices is called tough love. She will learn, whether or not reconciliation occurs. But she is setting herself up to be a very unhappy person.
Me:29 W:27 M: 4 years T: 5 years No children S: 7/7/15 EA: 7/7/15 BD/"I'm done": 7/15/15 MC: 7/7/15-8/21/15 (failed) PA: 8/29/15 W Files for D: 9/9/15 D will finalize in 60 days
I'm sure stress is an issue, but she is drinking a lot more, and that couple hundred calories every day or two adds up quickly. It is striking how much older she just looks to me at times. I know that stress and depression can affect the way a person appears without it being a permanent change, but it also can accelerate aging.
I'm definitely doing better than W, although I suspect she believes otherwise, as she likely feels she has moved on and I'm still clinging to the M. Not entirely true, but as I said, my being kind, generous, and pleasant is just being me, but I'll bet she interprets it as still stuck on winning her back. Very sad in a way, and more reason why detachment and both of us maintaining boundaries & space is important.
Me: 50 W:43 S6, S3 M: 12 yrs. T: 17 M is bad & Not happy Bomb Mar '14 S 5 Feb '15 D Bomb 13 Apr '15 (but "no hurry") DB Coach May '15 Wants proceed on D Aug '15 Starting 1-on-1 negotiations Sept '15
