Lou, I'm glad work is going okay and yes, it does pay the bills and gives you control over the money you make.
I'm sorry our S18 is going through some "hormonal" ups and downs and hopefully he can work thru them and realize that he's got a wonderful family to support him thru thick and think.
About your h, yes, he is doing everything that you have asked of him...but he still needs to do the work on his own w/o you having to tell him. He truly needs to live on his own for a while and not just move from the ow's place to your son's and then hopefully the two of you move back in together. He still has a lot of growing up to do and until he does, those issues will continue to be the elephant in the room.
As some time in the future, you will be able to have that chat w/him about what he's done. Whatever you do, do not allow things to be swept under the carpet. They need to be discussed and faced head on in order to clear the air and begin a new relationship.
It's time that you, Lou, sit down and truly think about what YOU want. If I were in your shoes, I think I'd take this very, very slowly and not go too fast. First, he needs to get a place of his own, live on his own and then second, date him for a while. You do not want him to return half baked and then in a year or so, go out the door again.
Hang in there!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
