Shall I Ask her about the affair...

[Zues126]

An EA/PA is as real an addiction as a drug addiction or any other. She will lie, cover up, and hide it. She may tell you she is done with the utmost of sincerity, only to go back on her commitment out of weakness and neediness. She will blame you for her needing EA/PA. She will manipulate you like you've never been manipulated before. She will learn how to keep you strung along to avoid any consequences of her decisions.

There is nothing you can do to get her to stop.
However enabling her behavior will only pour fuel on the fire.

Based on your opening statement "WAW is in an A, I want her back" it is clear you are not ready for this. The way you're talking you're going to get kicked hard in the teeth for months, taken advantage of, horrified repeatedly that your loving W would do such things, etc. You don't seem ready to accept she is destructive.

I know someone who's adult son is a complete criminal. Stealing money from his grandmother at christmas dinner when he was a guest, stealing things and selling them, and much, much more. His mom refuses to accept the truth. She just keeps saying "I don't know that for sure", and "I might have just misplaced that", etc. We're talking lap top computers!

No one is easier to be convinced of a lie than someone that wants desperately to believe it.

I think you need to follow Sandi's advice, use your head and not your co-dependent heart, protect yourself against this person, and don't allow her to get back in unless her actions convince the DB forums that she is serious. But it sounds like you're going to have to learn this the hard way. I say that because having "talks" with your WAW is about the biggest waste of time in the world. You'll spend hours and hours trying to interpret every word, twisting what she says, trying to find hope in the middle, and taking the fact that she does still have some feelings for you (which is true) to give you hope that she is close to ready to recommitting to you (which is not).