Looking back at my post describing yesterday, when H and were hanging out and talking about the upcoming schedule, I remembered I jokingly said I really need a personal assistant. H looked at me and said "Is that what I was to you? A personal assistant?" Eyes glossy.
I was stunned for a moment. Felt like this was such a telling statement. Looked at him and said "no, never" & he immediately brushed it off, closed down. No discussion was going to happen. I think I missed a big opportunity for validation.
Plus, I can't figure out if it's telling about our previous relationship and how he feels I treated him or if it was more along the lines of "I can just be replaced by a personal assistant."
And then this morning, I walked into the bedroom and accidentally stumbled upon H putting on his clothes. It was still dark and I immediately averted my eyes & didn't see a thing & walked out. It felt so weird. I mean, the guy sleeps naked in the same bed (albeit with covers tucked around him) and we've seen everything there is to see after being together for so long...
Anyway, afterwards, I told him I'm not walking on eggshells around him-just wanted to respect his privacy/boundaries and he looks me dead in the eyes and says "I don't want any privacy" Emphasis on any and pulls me into a hug. He says "Please don't walk on eggshells around me."
Obviously this is weighing on my mind. Should I ignore these interactions/put them out of my mind?
Mutatio, JulieH, Ginger I'll write more later about my living sitch and trying to find local support. For now, this forum is the bulk of my support system and I'm eternally grateful.
M 43 H 48 M 19y T 20y D 14 S 12 H returned home from out of country 8/8/15 BD 8/11/15 EA Began end of June/beginning of July 2015; ongoing PA H denies ILYBINILWY
