Time to let go......how?

[otw]

Catching everyone up on the weekend and then a question or two..

W cam home around 1 am friday night. The next day i got up and go the kids ready and took them off with me for the day . Went to a rugby game, helped my mom with some things etc..W called as we were on our way home later in the day to see where we were or what we were doing. Got home and made the decision that i need to get out of the house on my own. had a friend come pick me up and my S4 who is very attached to me had a melt down as i was trying to leave. he cried for 15-20 minutes after i left. This makes me very sad to think about happeneing when we split custody. Got up sunday and got ready for church, of course after missing me the night before S4 said he was coming even though i know he gets very tired of being there!. Satyed busy out of the house the rest of the day spoiling the kids a bit with a new toy and then some grocery shopping.

this morning I got up and got the kids up and ready for school as i always do while my W just gets herself ready. I really dont mind this, but i am curious if i need to make an excuse to have to leave for work earlier a few days to make her manage things. I really like the time with the kids though and i know they do also.

so here is the main question. this morning after D7 gets on school bus we are back at house getting ready to take S4 to preschool and W makes sure out of no where to let me know she has appointment Wednesday with the person helping with Separation agreement. I do not know why she contiunes wanting to speak to me about it. She has to know it hurts me to think about, and right after she tried to make small talk all morning about other things. My only response to her was OK.
is she checking me or is it that she is so far gone and detached herself it makes no difference to her on my potential feelings?

I know i should not care, and i feel like i am doing a much better job and see what is ahead of us, but that doesnt mean it will not hurt.
I noticed i am having a hard time keeping old memories from popping into my head. happy ones. which is almost funny because it seem only bad memories come into her head.

Well, I have a consultation with a L today. with her still seeming so happy to keep pushing forward I need to have someone looking out for me. I really do not want to handle this on my own.

I am still praying and have hope, it is getting easier slightly, very slightly.