I'd like to add that filing for D is an all-in move, and not something to be done as a bluff. It's the nuclear option. It's something you do because you've tried what you believe is reasonable and you are sticking to your morals and boundaries, and the situation is not acceptable to you.
Do not do it expecting her to snap out of the "fog". If she does react and want to save the marriage, then it's an all or nothing proposition as well. No half measures. You need to know what the road home looks like beforehand. In my mind, the list would start with: admitting to the A's (has she really?), send no contact letters (I like post-nup too), and change her phone #, e-mail, FB, everything that ties her to A's. That's just to start with. You might even have it written up. Do not share it with her unless she comes to you wanting to avoid the D. This is just for you, to know what the beginnings of reconciling looks like to you should it come up. You can't back down unless it's on your terms, and I wouldn't call that backing down.
I got this sort of advice back before I filed. It gave me pause, but after discussing with the few friends and pastor who knew of my sitch, it was the only option acceptable to me. Some people can tolerate their way in a M that lacks respect, faithfulness, and honesty. I am one who cannot. That's your decision, don't make it lightly, and don't expect it to snap her out of the "fog". What I've learned in the last year or so is that, odds are, she will not.
I had that understood in my mind before filing. My XW seemed stunned the first couple days but never backed off the A's. After she talked to an attorney, her entitlement never hit the brakes and was shiftin' gears. So much for amicable.
In a way, my XW made it "easy" for me. I felt horrible at first, but I do not regret my decision today. It's what I had to do. I believe one day my boys will understand. Good luck and God Bless, Sho.
