Wait........let me get this straight. She is still involved with OM? Did she first deny there was someone else and then admit to an A?

If questions about the A is going to drive you crazy, then ask. In most cases, I think the W will not tell the complete truth. For example, she may say they only went as far as kissing, when in reality they had sex. I have even seen stories where there was evidence of a couple spending the night in a hotel, and the W told the H they only kissed.

So, whether you'll get the truth is anyone's guess. Frankly, I believe you need to approach her as if you are the one who will decide if you want to continue a relationship with a cheater. I mean, you don't need to walk in as if you are her judge, but neither go in acting as if you are begging her to give you another chance to make her happy. That right there is where so many H's mess up. However, I doubt she gives you much of a choice. In fact, this little get away she's taking is probably a meetup with OM.

It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!