Work is going ok, it's a job, it pays the rent and makes me feel good that I am financially independent and in control of money, but more than anything it's given me worth - the ability to discover my talents and build on them.
S18 - yes, well with all grotty hormonal teenagers there is going to bumps along the way and we are having our fair share s21 said to me the other day "mum, was I really like s18 at his age?" I replied "yep" s21 replied "I am so sorry" funny boy.
Now for h - a few texts back n forth on Friday, very flirty ....I mean really flirty ....but all the while I kept a neutral head (as I am very aware ow thinks they are back together)and just enjoyed the attention ...at one point I did add a little dig of "I don't do sharing, 3s a crowd" and h went silent for a bit but he came back. I also mentioned looking for another job, he replied he thought I was contracted until Feb and I replied no, I did not sign the contract, just verbally agreed to get them through Christmas. H mentioned again he is selling his bike and ute to gain back control of his finances.
He had another session with his shrink and then today he let me know that he finally came clean to ow at the weekend, she is of course very angry and upset and told him to leave the house until she has found somewhere else to live (she cant afford the house on her own) - h has moved in with s21 for a while until he can sort something else out for himself and the dogs.
I did not push for details, they are his to give if he wants, which I don't think he will. Well, I wanted him to be alone for our anniversary and looks like that has happened, I also wanted to see action from him, and he certainly has begun to deliver on that one too.
I know that expectations need to be zero, however he is doing everything I ask of him albeit on his time scale, but he is making the effort - so I should start thinking about what I want and how I want this to go as he has made it clear this is on my terms and at my pace. I know that at some point one of us will have to move - the quandary is: he can't find a job near me that pays the wage he needs and I can't afford to live in the city where he is.
The other thing I am having issues with is her. If he had left and been on his own all this time I think I would have been able to get past everything he has said and done to move on and rebuild. I can almost get past the relationship bit, it was obviously not all that. But it's the physical, the thought of him and her, the questions that I know I should not ask and not really sure I want to know anyway, but the mental image, the thought he may think of what they did together, has he learnt something new he may try out on me ugh - How do I let it go?
As much as I don't want him to let me down again, I also don't want to give him hope if I seriously can't do this.
s21 said to me the other day "mum, was I really like s18 at his age?" I replied "yep" s21 replied "I am so sorry" funny boy. 
