as_it_is - my adventure continues (part 4)

[asitis]

W & I talked a bit today about her being overwhelmed about taking care of the house while only living in it half time, and how even if we were not D'ing we need to get out of the house now that I'm so busy that upkeep is an issue. I agreed with her (I've always disliked this house, and only agreed because she really wanted to get the property hunt done before S3 was born). I asked if she was planning to try to buy a house or move into an apartment after we sell & D. She said house. I said that I would too, but don't see how financially it will be workable.

She replied that we will be splitting the net proceeds of the house, and I reminded her that there are a lot of issues w/ the house that will need dealt w/ to market it, that these will cost some real $, and that after taking out commissions, we may have less than she things. And that our income levels may prove difficult to get enough of a mortgage to buy right away. She looked surprised by this and slightly troubled. I think she thinks that she'll just financially jettison me and be able to downscale a bit and be back in a home at least as nice as the current. I really think she thinks that she won't be paying spousal and child support for several years while I get my new career started. Very sad wake up coming.

I said we'd figure out how to get all the things that needs doing done, so don't worry. Reminded her that we've worked very well on making the S work, and we'll do the same w/ the D.

I had a very good weekend w/ the boys, with lots of social connecting. Playgroup forming w/ like-minded families that the boys love, making some new friends & professional contacts at S3's friend's b-day party, integrating into my church network at our annual retreat. I'm just really firing on all cylinders, and W is just idling. I think she thinks my being a decent, caring partner is a sign that I'm trying to win her back, rather than just me being me. She wants the split, but I'm the one moving on to a full life, while she wrestles with depression and not facing her issues because she mistakenly sees me as the main thing that needs changing in her life.

There is still a good dose of anger & resentment on her part, and the best thing I can do for her is to keep on my path and let her see that I'm not longer available as an excuse for facing her own issues.