So, almost 2 years ago my appendix burst, it really threw me into a worse depression than I had already had(I've always struggled), I became very negative and critical towards my husband, everything he did was wrong, I made mean comments, etc, I think I was emotionally abusive to a point. He didn't really talk to me about it, would make comments here and there but never sat me down and told me I needed to cut it out, I knew I was doing it but it was like someone else was controlling what I said. I feel terrible now that I've dealt with my issues. Well, he said he has had enough, he's done, exhausted and doesn't feel in love. He's already filed for divorce. At first I tried the begging and pleading and acting all pathetic. It didn't work. I am going to therapy, and am on medication. I'm much better, but now I'm losing my husband. He also has a lot of stress from work, his parents and brother died young and his mother was an alcoholic and suffered from depression. We still live together but he mostly stays in the basement. Is there any hope for us? We use to be very happy and active, now everything is so blah😞
You may be on moderation now, post in small frequent replies and stay on this thread until you reach 100 posts (for your thread, you can also post on other peoples threads to give support). Especially on this Newcomers forum, where the posting activity is very active, and your posts can quickly fall to the bottom of the page or even several pages down. Keep journaling and asking questions - people will come! Most important - POST!
Get out and Get a Life (GAL). DETACH.
Believe none of what he or she says and half of what he/she does.
Have NO EXPECTATIONS.
Take care of yourself, breathe, eat, sleep, exercise.
Take the parts of this advice that you need and don't worry if I have repeated something that you have already done.
Here are a few links to threads that will help you immensely:
Hello I am completely new to this forum. I have been separated for 6 months. Heartbroken about it. My husband appears to do contradictory things: I was away for 5 weeks, when I returned he hugged me for a long long time and said "I missed you." Then after we had been chatting the phone rang and he went to the bedroom to have a chat with one of his Match.com prospects. Then by accident he turned on the computer and saw I had been on this site with the Divorce.busting name-- so now my fear is that he thinks he can "have me in tow" as a back-up and meanwhile pursue his match.com girlfriends. I am sad to say that I saw on his facebook that he is planning to go meet one soon. I feel so miserable. I had been making headway- keeping an appropriate distance, getting on with parts of my life, being upbeat and positive and not needy in our interactions- it was beginning to work I think.. because he really did seem different when I first came home after being gone for 5 weeks. .. but now I feel doomed because he knows I still want the marriage. And I don't know what to do?? Can someone please help me?
Hello velviit, welcome, you have come to a good place. Your situation seems difficult but not impossible. It is important to work on yourself, to become the best version of you that you can. This takes time so you should start working on yourself as soon as you can.
Basically you have to GAL, have a PMA and detach from your husband. There will be more people here to help. Your not alone, we're here for support.
Hello I am completely new to this forum. I have been separated for 6 months. Heartbroken about it. My husband appears to do contradictory things: I was away for 5 weeks, when I returned he hugged me for a long long time and said "I missed you." Then after we had been chatting the phone rang and he went to the bedroom to have a chat with one of his Match.com prospects. Then by accident he turned on the computer and saw I had been on this site with the Divorce.busting name-- so now my fear is that he thinks he can "have me in tow" as a back-up and meanwhile pursue his match.com girlfriends. I am sad to say that I saw on his facebook that he is planning to go meet one soon. I feel so miserable. I had been making headway- keeping an appropriate distance, getting on with parts of my life, being upbeat and positive and not needy in our interactions- it was beginning to work I think.. because he really did seem different when I first came home after being gone for 5 weeks. .. but now I feel doomed because he knows I still want the marriage. And I don't know what to do?? Can someone please help me?
Just keep POSTING and one other bit of advice from Wonka that I totally agree with.
Originally Posted By: Wonka
Get DR/DB book. Keep this to yourself. DO NOT share this book or this site at all with your spouse. It is your playbook and not to be shared with the "opposing" team.
It is important to clear the search/browsing history from your computer on a daily basis to prevent the possibility for your WAS to stumble on the DB site and discover your posts here on DB. Erasing the search history will protect your posts and you as well.
We have seen too many Marriages blow up in pieces after the WAS discovers the DB site or DR book. Why is that? It is because the WAS thinks, erroneously I might add, that you are "manipulating" them back into the M.
Keep the DR book and DB site very close to your vest.
My husband filed about two weeks ago, states he is done and emotionally exhausted. We still live together but he sleeps in the basement and doesn't make much effort to talk to me since he said he wanted the divorce. Things are awkward but I thought if we lived together maybe it would be a better chance of us working it out. He told me yesterday that one of us should move out. I don't want to, I didn't ask for this divorce. What do I do??
