Shall I Ask her about the affair...

[Mr me]

IMO, you should not correspond with her right now. Try to collect your emotions as best that you can. Maybe write down the questions you want to ask her. If she wants to know why you won't answer, tell her you need space and time to decide what you want to do.

This space she has taken for herself, sounds to me as if she's making a decision about the M. Instead of pursuing her, back off and give her what she said she wants. Use this time to do some of your own deciding. If she did the worst with OM, could you forgive her? Would you want her to sleep with you and be your W?

I've not initiated any contact she has done it and took your advice about writing things down worked well in our first meeting. I will do it for the second but do I ask further questions about the affair?

One minute I'm fine I can put it behind me and move on and the next I'm thinking what about if/when it goes physical which I guess is ages away.

So torn.