The waywardness is the issue. I have seen couples split and go back, just as I'm sure you have. Waywardness is stubborn rebellion, full of resentment and disrespect. Ever seen a good hearted teenager rebell badly? It's kind like her heart has gone so cold and selfish, and that she's unreachable. It usually includes a lot of stubborn pride, which could hold her back from apologizing and asking the BH to give her another chance.
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Do WW that initiate D ever return? I do want to have a MR with her and I wanted to have a family. But I do understand that I cannot tolerate living like that. I have more self respect than that. I have left the door open for R for a short time, but it will close at some point. She would have to show genuine remorse and repentance. At this point, I plan on going and staying dark with no contact.
What if I said 2 out of every 100 return? Would you know if yours would fall into that 2%? (And, btw, I just made up those figures, b/c I have no clue.). I believe the circumstances in each WW's life will determine how long or short a period she stays wayward. I know one woman who has gone through H after H, and a slew of other men........and she's still wayward. She's the type who wants what she can't have, and once she gets it......she's done with it. Doesn't make good material for a M to hold together. But guess what? She had that nature when she was growing up, and her dating history shows it. So, I was not surprised she went from M to M. It doesn't mean, however, that all WW's continue to stay in that condition. It was, and continues to be a choice. I could give a long list of excuses that made me do what I did. But the truth of the matter was I acted from my own free will.
I have seen young women leave their wonderful H's and really mess up their lives. It made no sense. Do any WW's return after initiating a D? Well, there are couples who get remarried after D, so I assume there are some. I just don't think you can use that as a scale for your own personal outcome.
The fact that you have a lot of self-respect and refuse to accept that type of treatment is refreshing, to say the least. So many I have seen come to the board, waits too long before showing the WW he won't put up with that kind of disrespectful treatment. I think the longer a man tolerates his WW's bad treatment, the less likely she'll respect him enough to be attracted and want to return. But, that's just my viewpoint.
I also believe that some WW's just have to get out there to learn from the school of hard knocks. They have to see for themselves that that ditching the H did not bring them the happiness they thought it would. Sometimes, it takes the WW living without the BH for a period of time before she begins to see what she's done to herself, and what she's willing to do to get her life back again.
If there are no children, going dark is what I would advise. Do you live in the same town as your WW?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
