MLC Funhouse continues

[HaWho]

Hi Mleigh-I have learned, the hard way, those unresolved family of origin problems impact my MLCer.

The other night H went out with a friend. He texted me as he was coming home and was home at a very decent hour. I validated. Meanwhile he consistently has been asking where I have been/done if I go out. Seems to be keeping tabs on me?

But this weekend, I see several instances where he either is testing my changes or just picking fights with me. 3 times this weekend. All small stuff that in the past I would have reacted to/engaged in. But I did not take the bait and it was so easy not to do so. It is all such a waste of time.

The third instance just happened this morning and I felt H was just pushing my buttons. Long story short, he got defensive about something and was about to pull away. I jokingly held on to him and he angrily huffed off.

I did not like the feelings that followed. I felt this indignity that I felt at BD. I used to have a lot of dignity and lost it along the way. Too many years of trying to make things right that I didn't make wrong.

I am consistent-no hostility in my body language while H is kind of huffy. I like this in myself. I really don't care. There was a time I would have followed him and fixed it all. But now I see it's him, not me! He then goes to his to his room and listens to a loud song. So like a petulant teenager!

Then he decides to take a walk. He makes a comment as he leaves that is friendly. It's a feeler--he is trying to see if I am mad and it is his way of apologizing. Wish he could just give a hug and say sorry.

Here's where it gets odd. As he is out, I think to myself, I would not be surprised if he came back cheerful and happy nor would it shock me if he bombed me again.

I know what this is now. He is spinning. It would hurt if he bombed me again but at this moment I don't fear it like I have at other times. And I feel proud that I didn't engage or rush in with my medical kit to clean it and bandage it. Whatever "it" was.