Brink x 2

[Sotto]

"I know it's not going to change overnight. But I guess I need to see some effort from him - some indication that he actually likes me and wants our marriage to work - sooner rather than later. And I don't, in my heart of hearts, think it is going to happen."

Posters often say that if you write a BUT, then everything before the but is invalidated by everything that comes after the but. What worries me in your comments above is that you may well not see any effort from him or any indication that he likes you or wants your M to work. At least in the short term anyway. What will you do then?

It strikes me that you haven't been DBing for long. A short stint in 2013, then you tapered off quickly without really progressing on significant areas of concern like alcohol use. Then you are back again in 2015, around for a short time, but throwing out signs that you may be ready to give up. I'm not meaning to sound harsh, but I think turning around things in a M that goes off course is a little like turning around an ocean liner. It does take time.

Have a I missed out on an end of the month deadline? You rejoined us in August and will give things until end September? That isn't long at all. If you truly want to try and save your M (which I presume you do as you're here) I think you would need to dig in for a truly concerted effort for many months. I know that must sound hard as you have been at this for some time - but not truly DBing from what you post.

Have you re-read the book cover to cover with a pencil in hand? I think there will be a lot in there to help you, particularly as you and your H are together. It sounds as though re-introducing that warmth is a big area for you and there is a theme of resentment on your part I think - 'I'm not getting my needs met and I need to do so soon.' Pre-WAW talk I think. But I also think if you can slow down and recognise that to get your needs met in the longer term, you may need to put them second for now, that may be a good plan.

When your R was warm and affectionate in the early days, what did you do with each other that was different? What has your own resentment built up about and how has this manifested in your R? Can you change that pattern? Have you fully dealt with your own use of alcohol, anger and mental health issues? Resentment about money? I think there is a lot in your sitch to go at - which may sound bad, but I think is a good thing because progress can be made.

Also, the whole teatowel/food in the drainer resonates with me. I was the 'tidy one' and H/SS less so. Whilst not having OCD, it did used to get to me when things weren't done as I wanted them to be. I also have a friend who recently D. Her H had some anger issues and was pretty critical of her housekeeping (she isn't the world's best housekeeper....but a lovely person...) She doesn't miss his scathing comments about this and that. I'm not sure what I can offer you here - but I think a different response is going to help. I just don't know what it is. Humour?

Despite how you feel just now, I would encourage you to stick with us. You have two lovely children together and divorce isn't a great outcome for anyone in your family if it can be avoided.

Hope this helps and good luck (I'm a fellow Brit by the way :))