Ok so my wife tells me today that they is no her and the other guy but there is also no her and me. Says she will never trust me again because over this whole time period of her talking to another man I have Tracked her phone, followed her (i didnt) haved her email and facebook. But she was having an affair so I don't see the problem. One thing I don't think I have ever said, I am a private investigator.... This is what I do for a living. she should have known that I would do this. How do I recover from this and get her to trust me again. I want to work this marriage out.
That's typical spew out of a WW. Turn the tables on you, and say that YOU broke the trust. It's crazy talk but the kind of thing you have to expect. Sounds like she is nowhere near being remorseful. She hasn't experienced consequences as a result of the A, and is still in full wayward mode.
Not sure where you go from here. Maybe some of the vets will have ideas. Right now, your W doesn't want to be in a M with you and it's doubtful her mind is going to change if your sitch doesn't change. Even if the current A is over, don't be surprised if she's on the lookout for another OM to start a brand new A. My WW went through 3 different OM over a period of almost 5 years before I finally discovered the truth, and then she left me to live with the 4th OM 7 months ago.
A WW will not simply snap out her fog. You need to somehow wake her up and that's going to take serious action on your part, which likely involves sending her the message loud and clear that you will not tolerate this kind of behavior. She needs to feel that she is losing you. Right now, she has you wrapped around her little finger, enjoying all the benefits of being married with none of the commitment. Time to get serious and show her she can't be a cake eater.
Me 47 W 42 T 24 yrs M 18 yrs W living with OM BD1: 3/7/2015 (A with OM#1) BD2: 4/11/2015 (A with OM#2, W moves out) WW filed for D, papers received 9/18/2015. Meeting to determine child custody 9/29/2015.
