Lisa- I can't imagine how you must be feeling after typing all of that out.
All you should worry about is, as is written often around here, cleaning up your side of the street. You recognized a lot about yourself in the last few days, I'm sure. Now is the time to rebuild yourself and rise from the ashes like a phoenix. Not for him. But for you. To gain your self respect back. So you aren't riding this roller coaster. So you can feel good about yourself.
You can't do it all at once. So make a list. Set some goals for the rest of today. For tomorrow. For this week. They can be as easy seeming as "take a shower today". But I'm worried that you're going to get lost in an emotional ocean. So set up a few tent posts that you can work towards each day.
Try to stay organized so you don't flail around trying to do it all at once.
