I guess it's normal but hearing her say she had an affair is buzzing around in my head, part of me wants to know more and then another part of me doesn't, did he come to our house, did she get him a Xmas pressies, did she kiss him, was it good, did the kids ever see him? Should I ask or not?
I'm rambling been strong these last 2 days but waning now got to work tomorrow been off "sick" these last few days
Just keep POSTING and one other bit of advice from Wonka that I totally agree with.
Originally Posted By: Wonka
Get DR/DB book. Keep this to yourself. DO NOT share this book or this site at all with your spouse. It is your playbook and not to be shared with the "opposing" team.
It is important to clear the search/browsing history from your computer on a daily basis to prevent the possibility for your WAS to stumble on the DB site and discover your posts here on DB. Erasing the search history will protect your posts and you as well.
We have seen too many Marriages blow up in pieces after the WAS discovers the DB site or DR book. Why is that? It is because the WAS thinks, erroneously I might add, that you are "manipulating" them back into the M.
Keep the DR book and DB site very close to your vest.
IMO, you should not correspond with her right now. Try to collect your emotions as best that you can. Maybe write down the questions you want to ask her. If she wants to know why you won't answer, tell her you need space and time to decide what you want to do.
This space she has taken for herself, sounds to me as if she's making a decision about the M. Instead of pursuing her, back off and give her what she said she wants. Use this time to do some of your own deciding. If she did the worst with OM, could you forgive her? Would you want her to sleep with you and be your W?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
IMO, you should not correspond with her right now. Try to collect your emotions as best that you can. Maybe write down the questions you want to ask her. If she wants to know why you won't answer, tell her you need space and time to decide what you want to do.
This space she has taken for herself, sounds to me as if she's making a decision about the M. Instead of pursuing her, back off and give her what she said she wants. Use this time to do some of your own deciding. If she did the worst with OM, could you forgive her? Would you want her to sleep with you and be your W?
I've not initiated any contact she has done it and took your advice about writing things down worked well in our first meeting. I will do it for the second but do I ask further questions about the affair?
One minute I'm fine I can put it behind me and move on and the next I'm thinking what about if/when it goes physical which I guess is ages away.
So torn.
Last edited by Cadet; 09/14/1512:14 PM. Reason: fix quotes
