I will say good morning, ask him if he slept well. I will greet him when coming into the house and say goodbye when I am leaving. I will ask him if there's things he needs when I go out. I'll smile and make eye contact while these things happen.
I will appreciate something he does for me and our family two times per day (very easy thing for me to do - because he does a lot. I do generally thank him for cooking, etc, but I could do it more lavishly. Instead of 'thanks for tea,' I can say, 'I really appreciate you cooking for us all especially after you've been on your feet painting the house all day.' That kind of thing.
Not pursuing. Well - I was in the habit of saying, 'what are your plans for today?' or 'what do you want to do tonight?' which he knew full well was a coded way of me saying, 'please spend time with me. Please tell me you want to do something with me tonight.' So I have stopped doing that entirely. I will not initiate conversations with him if he's wearing his headphones or playing his computer games. I will not interrupt him when he's playing his guitar. I won't ask him to do things for me that I can really easily to myself (like petrol in the car. I don't need him to put petrol in my car - I just wanted him to do something nice to take care of me.)
I was out with a friend tonight. I got home in good spirits and was friendly to DH. He asked me how she was, and I said she seemed really happy and full of plans. He said, 'sure, she's divorced.'
My little goal for tonight is to not let that crush me.
