Where do I go from here? pt. 2

[beckyb]

Having a rough couple of days as the reality that my marriage is almost over starts to sink in.

In other news, I'm hosting the inaugural ABJ Supper Club tonight. Cooking stuff pork tenderloin and homemade bread.

[Avanti]

That's a tough couple of days but your even tonight sounds like an ideal tonic. Save some of the food for me, it sounds scrummy. Do you do delivery over the internet? :-)

[beckyb]

If I could deliver I would. I really love to entertain and I'm glad to get back to it. The ironic thing is I had all but stopped having parties because I always had to nag H to help do anything. Granted, I like things to be really nice. What I realized today was was almost easier just doing everything myself than having to nag him.

Also meeting some new people tonight as well.

[Avanti]

Awesome. You haved moved on so much in a short while, you should feel proud of yourself.

Your H does not define you, you have the privilege of doing that.

[beckyb]

Inaugural ABJ Supper Club was a big success. Now that every one has gone home it's a little lonely. Tomorrow H and stepson come to move more stuff. I'm not sure whether I will be home or not.

[Avanti]

Glad to hear your soirée went so well, the anti-climax when everyone has gone must have been hard and that's the time to think back over the fun you had during the evening. Remember, if you thoughts get onto something you don't like, gently acknowledge the thought, then let it drift away by thinking about something else that is good in your life.

If you are comfortable that he'll only take what is rightfully his and won't touch stuff that has sentimental value, it might be best that you are out doing something with some buddies, don't be alone otherwise you yourself wondering about what's going on in your home.

Having said that others might say to be there and supervise to ensure nothing goes amiss that you weren't expecting, so I guess it's down to how much trust you have in your husband.

[beckyb]

It feels so wrong to have a calm conversation with STBX about bank accounts and realtors when I feel like yelling it him about how badly he hurt me and asking him how he could he just walk away like he did. Why am I being civil to someone who left me for another woman? It seems ridiculous.

I got a little tired of being nice and called to tell him to bring some back something he took that I wanted to keep. Unfortunately I sounded exactly like I used to.

[Avanti]

We all slip up from time to time, don't go beating yourself up. One minute in time doesn't change an entire destiny.

The great news is that you've realised your error and will learn from it, that's for certain, so next time when your emotions are high you'll invoke a different approach, right?

Beckyb, you are on what is called the moral high ground and it can seem strange but it's the right place to be in the long run, even if you feel like yelling sometimes.

[beckyb]

I'm a little thrown. I just found out that sometime in the last 6 weeks or so H had a skin cancer removed. I had no idea. Today he texted me to say he'd have to go to the bank tomorrow. That his skin cancer returned and he had to have blood work done. H has had many health issues over the years and I have been his primary caregiver. It's weird and upsetting that I didn't know about this. I told him I was sorry to hear this and ask what type of cancer it was. He said he didn't remember. I resisted the urge to ask a lot of questions and offer to help. I'm sure OW has that covered.

[asitis]

Sorry. It is hard when our Ss stop turning to us. On the plus side, he is probably having to learn something he should have a long time ago: take care of himself. Even wo/ an OP in the picture, my W's life is opaque to me. She will only turn to me if it is really, really necessary. So, don't jump to the conclusion that OW is providing the service you used to in this area. It may just be that he feels the need to not be dependent on you right now.

And, remember, the person you need to be primary care-giver to right now is you.