Is this a forum for saving the marriage or a subtle way to let us down easy?
It is about saving yourself, becoming the best person you can be, and saving your S. are there any guarantees or 100% M are saved? Nobody, no program, book or forum can give you that kind of guarantee.
Every person's situation is a little different from someone else. When reading another poster's thread, be careful in taking the advice he may get for his situation and think it is over all advice for every one, unless it's clarified.
While you wait on your book, read those links Cadet gave you. They are important to grasping a lot of what we talk about here.
One of those links is called, "Sandi's Rules". It is a guide to help newcomers get their bearings when they first arrive.
Be sure to read the detachment thread. Don't assume you know what it means.
Right this minute, stop all pursuing action! It only pushes her away. Stop being available to her. Stop initiating contact throughout the day. Pull back, but not with a cold or mad attitude. Know the difference in DBing detachment from cold/angry.
At this point, instead of trying to prove what a good MR you could have, maybe she needs a glimpse of how it would feel if she didn't have you in her life. No hanging out together, no contacting to chat, no being her BFF, no family togetherness, holiday events, etc. Here's where I'm going. Instead of trying to convince her to stay, you need to become the guy she doesn't want to lose. You can't be that guy if you are chasing her, right? As long as you pursue her, she knows she has you in her pocket.
I'm not saying to make her jealous, or anything like that. I am saying to find the man you would be if you didn't have her. Focus on inner strength. Be the best daddy you can be. Be the best man you can be. But don't try to win her back by showing her what a great H you can be......(at least, not at this particular tim). She really does need space, and a lot of it. So, give it to her. You do your own thing and leave her alone. Right now, she isn't worried about losing you. You are worried about losing her. How can that dynamic change? Not by you dating, or trying to purposely make her jealous, but by detaching and getting a life. You can learn more about GAL, what it is and what it isn't.
Give yourself a deep evaluation as a man, H, and daddy. See where you need to improve. Set some small goals to get there. Oh, and remember something, some things you'll read in some relationship books may not be something you can apply immediately, but you can take in the information to use latter when the time is right. Timing is everything!
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
