MLC Funhouse continues

[mleigh4]

Hi,

I am not sure what the exact characteristics of a distancer are, but pre BD, he was a very quiet person in general. We would do things with friends, but he was the quiet reserved guy in the group. He had a few select close friends.

During our R, H rarely talked about his childhood. He would only occasionally say it wasn't the best. He never talked about feelings, never. No different emotions, in fact, I used to joke to him that he was emotionless, always in the same mood. He would say ILY, but never commented much on my new clothes, new hairstyle or color. I got very few compliments. I am a talker, but we never had in depth conversations. He would hold hands and give hugs sometimes, but not very affectionate. When he did get affectionate, it was almost awkward, like he didn't know how. He was a very simple man of few words, to a point of boring sometimes. However, we did have many good times, obviously I love him


My FIL had told me at BD that H grew up in a very passive aggressive home. Once I read up on that, I realized he fit the bill perfectly. In his world, showing emotion was bad and wrong, which explained why he would tell me I was making a big deal about things. He wasn't very supportive or comforting when I would go through tough times in life. I took all this as him not caring, but now I believe it was the passive aggressive behavior at work. There were so many times he just wouldn't let me in, emotionally.

At BD, he had no problem all of a sudden opening up and telling me how he felt, all of it bad. He felt empty, unhappy, and nothing for me.

Since BD, I have seen emotions more often. The biggest being his need to save his sister in Mexico. I am not kidding when I say they did not have a close relationship. He never seemed to care about her antics, but all of a sudden he was worried sick. I see more emotions with our son, the dog, and even with me at times (just the anger alone he shows with me is progress). I am hoping through his MLC journey that he will learn to open up a bit. But I read posts on here of the MLCer talking about how they feel, and I just can't imagine that with my H!