Honestly, my biggest regret will be that it feels like I have done this to myself and now that I am trying full force to be a good husband I am only succeeding in pushing her away and making her more angry. I know Im early on in the whole thing, but it still feels like everything I do matter and could be the difference between D and R.
If you have read my first thread on WW's, then you know that this ^^^ does push her further away. As Azzork has said, she's fired you as her H. She doesn't want you to show her what a great H you can be........now. She is done. The harder you try to be what she wanted you to be in the past, the harder she will fight you, b/c it ticks her off.
I think this is a difficult concept for some LBH'S. They are finally awake and ready to do anything to save the M. However, it is too late to use the old methods he might have used when she still wanted the M. He has to change the dynamics by changing methods.
Quote:
I found a turtle at work we are going to take to back animal rehab center tomorrow (it's eyes are damaged), and when i got home she proceeds to cuddle up to me and wants to look at turtles and talk about getting one and just having a nice conversation. She was very sweet and nice, it almost felt like things were good. She is texting him again now though.
Was that temp checking? Is she conflicted? How do I take actions like that where she initiates it? I did not start the conversation and had planned on giving her the space she seemed to want so badly last night. Any opinions would be appreciated.
These type of situations can really confuse a newcomer. My advice is to not read anything into it. The WW can act as if she has a split personality at times. Yes, she could have been temp checking, or she may have wanted the cuddling. Who knows? Some WW's continue to have sex with the LBH, but she still doesn't want to be M to him.
If you intend for your plan to be effective, then you have to apply it during these short lived moments, instead of reading some kind of meaning into it.
My interpretation of going dark is when the WW sees nothing and hears nothing, whatsoever, from the LBH. How can you go dark with four little kids? In trying to act "dark" while under the same roof, it basically just makes you appear as though you are angry and sulking. My advice is to fully apply the 37 rules and detach. If you can lick that much.......I don't think you'll have to worry about going dark.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
