New - Desperate & Confused, H won't end affair

[V2pt0]

Lisa - Id let your emotions cool down before kicking him out of the house. There's a LOT swirling right now and so any major decisions should be based on logic and reason. Not emotion.

But I do think it's reasonable to kick him from MBR to give yourself space.

I agree with Azzork that If you need space that it is reasonable to ask your H to leave MBR. You need space to detach and focus on you and having him in your room is going to make that very hard especially with him staying out late with OW. There are varying opinions on here how to deal with an WAS that won't give up A. I believe that there needs to be a bit more tough love, so for me, telling him that you will not live in an open M and share your MBR with him while he is in A is ok and should be set sooner than later. Please note that I am not a vet and just going off if my personal experience. You need to be able to deliver this in a very calm demeanor, so I would wait until you have your emotions under a bit more control. That might not be today or tomorrow. To me, this is setting a boundary around you, your personal space, and your beliefs. This is not an ultimatum or about controlling your H. I would suggest that you popover into the infidelity section and read some of the threads in there. I think one of the best vets on here as it relates to an active A is Starsky. I know how painful living with an A is and I feel for you.

Also, I agree with Zeus that there is really is no reason or need to talk to your H today. With emotions so high it will likely just turn yen negative. I tried to have rational discussions with my H and it was pointless. Your H is in an irrational state right now and nothing you say is going to get through to him. Just go about your day, get away for a bit, and wait for him to approach conversation. As MWD says, time to pull up your boot straps and work on you. Try to be light, friendly and positive today. You are going to have to fake it at first, but it will get easier as you go. Be strong!!