Yes - I think it has been sitting there for a really long time.
I know that I've never really felt he's 'chosen' me. I pursued him. I asked him to come live with me, I suggested marriage and planned the wedding. I believe he's been happy to be a husband and a father, but I don't know if any of those things would have happened if I hadn't pushed for them. He's a laid back kind of guy. Rarely shows enthusiasm or ambition for anything - never ever ever for having or keeping me.
If I drop the rope, I don't think he's going to pick it up. I think it would be out of character for him, I think he'd be afraid of my reaction if he did pursue me, and I think at some deep level he doesn't know what to do.
I also think I need to do work on myself in this area. Right now I am not entirely sure what it would take for me to feel 'chosen.' Not a grand gesture, not sex, not a friendly word or two. I need some sign of his love and commitment and I don't know what would be acceptable to me. That isn't fair on him - to set him the impossible task of resolving a bottomless pit of insecurity.
