I am going to have to go the way of not making rash decisions while I am emotional. I recognize in myself the flipflopping of feeling like something needs to be done to force a reaction, and then feeling like I need to not panic and try to think rationally.
I also have to remember that I have observed almost continual flipflopping by my H these past weeks. I truly think he is messed up beyond words, and I DO think he is addicted to this woman. On several different occasions during our talks, he has continually admitted, more and more, that he just doesn't see things working out with her in the end. He has said there are things about her that concern him, like the fact that she doesn't ask much about his life or how things are going. That she seems pretty self-involved and he knows being with her means hitching himself to HER wagon - which doesn't fit his alpha guy personality at all. There are just so very many things that make them completely wrong for each other, and when away from her he is the first one to admit to them, more and more every day.
But he gets around her and he is just smitten. He SO wants it to be his new lifestyle. He completely changes, and becomes an [censored] to everyone else he loves. To me it is so classic MLC, but maybe I'm wrong. I don't know.
Bottom line is, though - he is like a piece of driftwood. He is over here, over there, just can't make a decision. To him, he believes staying with me in our marriage would be the "easy route" and the comfortable route, and that he would be doing so strictly out of sense of responsibility and obligation.
I feel like my battle is less about the OW and more about showing him that our marriage could be SO much better. But given my current position, I have no idea at all how to do that and not lose him in the meantime to someone 20 years younger with a more shallowly appealing lifestyle.
