It could be that as you are changing he perceives that he's losing control over you so is stepping up the stroppy behaviour in an attempt to get you back in line.
Working on your goals may well stir him up further so be prepared but continue with them anyway, they are the way forward for you.
Asking him not to speak to you in that way when it happens (using a calm and controlled tone, softly spoken), and repeat again if required, stating that you'll not continue the conversation if he persists, then walking away if he does continue unabated seems fair and reasonable to me. It's simple cause and effect psychology nothing complex or something new as you're bound to have used it on your children at some point.
He may have some OCD like tendencies and there are many ways in which he can communicate these to you, his chosen method is seemingly now a habit and gentle but firm guidance from you along with your own self control will win in the long run.
- Nobody has ever learnt anything important from happiness and success; problems make us grow - Consult your plan, not your feelings - If you haven't set goals, how can you expect to achieve anything?
