I'm hurting so MUCH right now. His attacks over the last few weeks have done their damage. I'm fighting against feeling worthless today. But, I AM fighting.
I was begging, pleading, trying to reason. Now I'm basically NC.
I was letting him do whatever he wanted without regard to my needs in order to keep the peace. I set up a boundary and he overreacted and completely left. (I honestly think it has more to do with being caught out in regards to other women and his guilt. He really had me snowed on that one. I really believed him when he said there was no-one else.)
I will let myself cry it out for a while, uninterrupted.
Now....I just wait and see if he tries to contact me?
I'm now in panic mode. I am certain that my freak out last night and setting a boundary today drove him off for good. I've been reading the boards all day, and everything seems so hopeless. But he just wouldn't leave me alone about divorce...I haven't even wrapped my mind around the fact that life as I knew it was over. The constant criticism has me feeling like I'm just a failure. There were truth nuggets in his tirades. I don't know what to do.
I'm now in panic mode. I am certain that my freak out last night and setting a boundary today drove him off for good. I've been reading the boards all day, and everything seems so hopeless. But he just wouldn't leave me alone about divorce...I haven't even wrapped my mind around the fact that life as I knew it was over. The constant criticism has me feeling like I'm just a failure. There were truth nuggets in his tirades. I don't know what to do.
Judy, you really need to try and calm down a bit. I know this is all fresh and new, but being overly emotional is not going to help your cause. Your boundary was for you and I believe it was appropriate. You did not kick him out of the house. He is having As and wants D, so why should he be in your MRB?
Your H is just doing a bit of tantruming and projecting right now. His anger is really at himself, though he might not realize it. Deep down he likely knows what he is doing is wrong and your kicking him out of MRB just reinforced that guilt even though he won't admit it. Your H was already on the road to file for D and having A, so nothing you did yesterday put him over the edge. You need to let him be, work on you, GAL, and start following Sandi's rules ASAP. Do you have some friends you can make plans with this weekend and next week? You need to get busy with activities so that you are not so focused on your H. Believe me, it will help heaps. You are in the worst part BD right now. Things will slowly start to get better for you if you focus on you.
Last edited by BT13; 09/11/1511:44 PM.
Me: 42 H: 40 M: 12 H moved out - 8/2015 I filed - 8/2015
Thank you, BT. Really. You are absolutely correct. He is rushing me so much that my head is spinning. I am calming down....just realized that even though he filed, no agreements have been made, and all his work stuff is still here.
I'm now in panic mode. I am certain that my freak out last night and setting a boundary today drove him off for good. I've been reading the boards all day, and everything seems so hopeless. But he just wouldn't leave me alone about divorce...I haven't even wrapped my mind around the fact that life as I knew it was over. The constant criticism has me feeling like I'm just a failure. There were truth nuggets in his tirades. I don't know what to do.
Judy, you really need to try and calm down a bit. I know this is all fresh and new, but being overly emotional is not going to help your cause. Your boundary was for you and I believe it was appropriate. You did not kick him out of the house. He is having As and wants D, so why should he be in your MRB?
Your H is just doing a bit of tantruming and projecting right now. His anger is really at himself, though he might not realize it. Deep down he likely knows what he is doing is wrong and your kicking him out of MRB just reinforced that guilt even though he won't admit it. Your H was already on the road to file for D and having A, so nothing you did yesterday put him over the edge. You need to let him be, work on you, GAL, and start following Sandi's rules ASAP. Do you have some friends you can make plans with this weekend and next week? You need to get busy with activities so that you are not so focused on your H. Believe me, it will help heaps. You are in the worst part BD right now. Things will slowly start to get better for you if you focus on you.
This is all excellent advice! I agree with all of it.
I would like to add that there is always hope. But it's important to realize that this will not happen today. Or tomorrow. Or next week. Or probably next month. It took 20 years to reach this point. It won't be fixed in 20 days. So, it's so important to get your emotions under control. You can't act this way for months....you will literally fall apart. So calm down, breathe. Then follow what BT suggested.
Good luck with the sleep! Hot bath helped relax me. Also, Google 4-7-8 breathing technique, it has helped a few times when the heart would race out of control.
Me - Mid 40's W - Mid 40's Married 20 No kids BD - 7/2015 ILYB... Moved out 2 days later Suspect EA
Hi Judy, I just read your thread. Your playing a tough hand of cards but I think it's to early to fold.
I am going to suggest to you what you already know. Your top priority must be JudyL. If your husband see's a real difference between how you act/are and how he perceives you, it may give him pause.
Your evolution cannot be faked. You must take the time and find the authentic Judy. You will evolve in to a more kind, more compassionate, wiser woman. You will be better from this experience.
If your husband comes around and changes his mind you two will have to create a new relationship which satisfy's both of you. If the marriage does not survive you will still be the new and improved JudyL.
So, each day we get up and try to make the day count and improve ourselves. There were some days I just tried to make it through the day. All these days build on each other and sooner or later you will have the foundation built for the new JudyL.
